Beyond the beyond..

Finally

2007-08-27T22:44:00.000-07:00

I've made it official! I've finally set up another blog. This one as a different side of me. You might get the address from me. But only if you ask politely. Hur hur.

~cheerios~

A secret?

2007-06-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

Psstttt...

I got good news to tell you guys..

I got e job..

But..

Just don't call me..

Mister Fireman..

More updates soon. ;)

Been a while..

2007-06-10T02:00:00.000-07:00

I gotta admit, it's been a while since i was last here. I had to literally force myself to sit down infront of the comp and to log on and update my teeny-weeny blog. So many things had happened in the past few months and to whoever that still visits this page, summarisation is the way to go. And yeah, thanks for the support to even bother remembering my blog address. Heh.

First of all, to start things off, the dream of all guys. Finishing that dreadful 2 years period of your life and seeing your pink IC after a long time. Ahuh. I'm an Operational Ready Soldier now. And full-time civilian *ahem* too. Gosh how time flies amazingly fast. By the time i realised it, i was staring eye-to-eye with my IC and faced with the reality on what is in store for me. To be honest, it was a very scary experience. Still am, 'til now.

Well, i did went for an interview earlier on and i got a nudge of a feeling that i might just nick it this time around. I mean, when they give you an application form for the company's pass and asked you to go for a medical check-up, it must mean that you're halfway there right? Don't wish to get to excited about it but finger-crossed. I shall know about the outcome in 3 weeks time.

Speaking about 3 weeks time, something special will cross path with me. Anouncing my latest baby, my latest ride - a black Honda Fit. Believe it or not, it's all mine. Not a family car. But mine. Heh. I will finally get what i've always wanted all this time. It's a huge responsibility owning one if i may say. Ahhh, the true test of adulthood. But at last, i can pimp my ride. Hahahahaa.

And to top it up, the FAMILY car will also arrive next week - a red Honda Jazz! Haha. Still rubbing your eyes? Sounds crazy but sometimes it's good to be one. Doncha agree? Hahaha.

This year Hari Raya celebrations will be so much fun. Late nights at Geylang Serai for dendeng, cuzzins and friends?

And not to worry, pictures will be up once the rides are here.

Among all the happiness, i'm kinda sad that someone won't be here to celebrate my happiness with me. Sad to say, in my eyes, that person had vanished into thin air forever. But that somehow gave me the extra determination to make it good in life. So thanks, wherever you are. Your loving memories will live on forever somewhere in this small heart of mine.

Looking ahead, i got alot of things planned out for myself. Like going to Desaru next week with the guys for a short getaway. And to Phuket in 3 weeks time. I really need the break badly. Much more destinations will come definately.

And so, at this point of time, i'm really looking forward as to how my path in life will shape up. I believe this is the time, where it's either you make it or not. And me, being a Capricorn, planning is a number 1 priority for me. So, right now, it's back to the planning board, to plan, plan and make more plans ahead.

Wish me luck.

And yeah, it feels good to be back. Finally.

~cheers~

The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

2007-05-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces dont fit here anymore

You pulled me under so I had to give in
Such a beautiful mess that's breaking my skin
Well I'll hide all the bruises;
I'll hide all the damage that's done
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone

Hmmmm Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore

Hmmmm, Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
But Still I don't know why
No I don't know why

Why I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Just leave me now
It's the better thing to do

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore
The pieces don't fit here anymore

The pieces don't fit here anymore.

The End.

2007-03-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

Its over. The end.

Love

2007-02-27T12:07:00.000-08:00

To see you when I wake up is a gift

I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.

I see your picture,
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that
I care
and
I miss you.

So sick

2007-02-26T14:36:00.000-08:00

Come on people sing with me now...
1 2 3..

"..thats the reason im so sick of love songs
so tired of tears
so done with wishing you are still here
said im so sick of love songs
so said and slow
so why can't i turn off the radio.."

Between angels and demons

2007-02-23T10:15:00.000-08:00

Lies and deceptions are growing in this world. Being hurt and tears are no longer a rarity. People take love ones for granted. Being appreciative is a hard thing to do. Selfishness is a norm nowadays. Dreams can turn into nightmares in an instant. Being retrospective doesn't mean it's the correct thing to do. Sharing one love for two person is utterly sinful.

Between angels and demons, which would you rather be?

Whatever it is, you have to choose your choice, before choice chooses you.

But then again,

Where's the love?

R&R

2007-02-06T14:01:00.000-08:00

I've given long thoughts about it. I guess this blog does mean alot to me. Not that i'm still stuck in the past and can't let go but i reckon that it actually reminds me of the journey that i took that made me the person that i am today. And so, i shall gladly announce that i'm still keeping this blog.

Anyway i went for my dental surgery to remove the irritating wisdom tooth. And boy does the experience hurts alot. Not so during the operation but hours later. I felt like i could explode anytime. And the bleeding just wouldn't stop. I swear i almost turn into a vampire after drinking lotsa blood. My own that is. Hah.

Now that the pain is over, time to rest and relax. I'm on MC for the whole of this week. So any takers who wanna ask me out, please look me up aight.

Hoo hoo. It sure feels nice to just be able to chill and take things slow.

PS2, here i come!! ;0

PS. I think this skin of mine is really cool. Go mutant power! Haha.

The End

2007-01-27T15:12:00.000-08:00

Isn't it funny how fate always make a joke on you? How it always give you hope yet cruelly take it back when you least expected it?

Or how hilarious it is to bring your past emotional baggage into your relationship when all you wanted was a new start?

Or how weird love can be when you thought you had everything that you have always dream of yet concurrently it blinded you to the harsh facts of reality?

I think i had enough of all this charades. It takes two to clap and if one party ain't ready to have that commitment, nothing else matters.

With that said, i have decided to shut this blog down once and for all. Let this be a new start for me in seach of better days. The world is already a scary place to live in. But nevertheless, the journey shall still continue. i shall take this lessons of life close to my heart and soul. And promise myself never to commit the same mistakes that had been done not only by me, but by mankind itself.

To all the people out there, take good care of yourself and may happy time beckons upon us. God willing.

Blissfully in Love

2007-01-18T23:55:00.000-08:00

It has been a very long journey. And a tiring one i might say. But now that nature has taken it's own course, life has never been blissful and i'm enjoying every moment of it. For all my imperfections, she complete me. And I'm thankful to her for that.

It was funny how the whole process took place. She was in Australia. I was in Singapore. Somehow the distance couldn't deny the feelings that we shared. Things weren't expected to happened and it did. All along, we were in denials. Or more specifically, me. I though it was impossible. She proved to me otherwise. Though certain things could be avoided, things do happen for a reason and what matters most is that we are happy being together now.
She's like a dream come true to me. She's soft-spoken, gentle, caring, demure, matured beyond her age and most important of all, she loves me. And I love her too. I can never wish for someone better.

I'm gonna work hard for this relationship. Promises are not meant to be broken and I intend to keep to my words, for better or worse. For all the mistakes and lessons in life, she won't ever be hurt. 'Cause I'll be a fool if I were ever to do that. Well surely the wait was worthwhile. And I'm content. No words can ever describe the feelings in me.

For this, I wanna say thank you, baby. For wanting to willingly share you life with me. For trusting me to look after you and your precious heart. For including me in your future. You won't ever regret the decisions that you've made. I promise you that.

From the bottom of my heart,
I love you.

A1 & A2 ~ 10.01.07

Smashmouth - I'm a believer

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me
Ah, love was out to get to me
That's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams

Then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her if i tried

I tried I thought love was more or less a givin' thing
Seemed the more I gave the less I got
What's the use in tryin'
All you get is pain
When I needed sunshine I got rain

Ah, love was out to get to me
Now, that's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams

Yes, I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
There's not a tra-a-a-ace
Of doubt in my mind
Well, I'm a believer
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ah-uh-uh

I'm a believer

Unbelievable!

2007-01-11T02:25:00.000-08:00

What a blast my birthday has been. It's the best ever for the past 24 years no doubt about it. And it's a blessing in disguise.

Will update soon. Pretty much drained out now.

Hoo hoo!! :)

Twenty-Four

2007-01-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

10 January is here upon me once again. Another year past by without battling an eyelid. So much had happened yet the feeling of euphoria seemed so distant away. Life is lacking that extra oomph. But nevertheless I'm surrounded by great people around me. I guess that somehow take away the mindset that has been bugging me especially of lately. Well I reckon you guys out there know what is it about so I shall gladly spare myself the agony of writing it down here. Heh.

The past year has actually been pretty mundane for me. Except for the 2 KL trips, nothing much has been going on. Participated in NDP taking care of Mr President. Earning my chevron rank. Getting my big bike. Meeting lotsa new people and (obviously) losing some in the same process. People getting attached. And yeah, and don't forget engaged (congrats once again to Zaid and Wan for taking that further step in your relationships). All the heartaches. Quarrelling over stupid stuffs. Managed to talk to her (albeit for awhile only. Hur hur.). Making foolish decisions where love is concerned (life is always a bitch isn't it?). The regrettable actions. If only we can all turn back the time to change something for the good. But yeah. Reality bites. So forget it. Time to look forward I guess. Haha. And yeah. How can I forget. 5 months exactly to ORD lorrrrr. I know I'm abit old for that but come on, you were in my shoes once and felt the same thing too before right? Better late then never. They always say that. Hah.

And so I shall be optimistic on my special day. Everything will be fine in the end. If it's not, it isn't the end yet. Logical enough?

Well, there isn't anything that I'm looking forward to this year. I just hope that beside starting my career (that too if I'm able to decide what I wanna do after NS), I hope that everything will remain the way they are (progressive surprises is a bonus though).

I'm just glad at this tender age of twenty-four, I still got my family here with me. Though I know they won't say it, I know they love me very much. So thank you Dad, Mum and Sis. For being there when I needed comfort the most. For the times you pull me back from being swayed by bad influences. When I thought I almost drowned from suffocations, you were there for me. So thank you once again, for my existence will not be worthwhile without you by my side. I love you all.
Happy 24th birthday amin.....

PS.It's raining cats and dogs right now. Right at the stroke of midnight. Could it a sign of good things to come? *wonders*

Back.

2006-12-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's been a while i gotta admit. The computer back at home has still not been repaired yet and maybe this due to the notebook i'm getting next month. I'm so lazy to get it fixed. Hoo hoo. Am so excited at that,and i don't even know why.

I guess i'm addicted at the cyber world now.

But then again, who isn't right? Everyone is DEPENDENT on it i'm sure.

Anyway 6 more days to roadtrip!! Time to let loose guys.

'Till then.

~cheers~

It will take some time.

2006-11-21T10:08:00.000-08:00

Boo hoo. My pc at home has sadly crashed at 201106. :(

News

2006-11-20T10:02:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps listen up!

MTV is having their MTV Hip Hop Countdown party at MOS on the 30th of Nov (Thu) 7pm onwards. You just need to print out their invites via www.mtv.com.sg to attend the party.

Its going to be one hell of a party so don't miss out yar.

Anyway in 28th January 2007, Hoobastank will be in town to hold a concert at Fort Canning Hill. Tickets are priced at $79 (+$2 for online booking) and can be obtained through SISTIC even as you're reading this. Since they are one of my favourite band ever, I will surely be there on that night. THE REASON is..? Make a wild guess. Haha. It will be a marvellous birthday gift for your's truly *hint hint* So will you be there?

Dream..or nightmare..?

2006-11-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

Everything seemed so vivid. I could feel her warmth close to me. As she lean her head against my shoulder and holding on to my hand, i told her never to let it go. Told her that i've been missing her for way too long and that i could never live without her by my side. And she smiled and put my hand to her chest and smile.. "i promise dear.."

I hug her tightly, tears flowing down to my cheeks without me able to control it. We then continued our journey exploring the place. A very huge building with man-made waterfalls and colourful birds chirping away merrily. It seemed like an indoor nature reserve. We had so much fun..

but deep in me..

i wonder if it's all true. It's just too good for things to happen.

"Min, dammit wake up.." i fought the inner side of me.

"..no..i don't want to..i don't wanna wake up..i wanna be with her..i'm happy..after such a long time..noo..pleasee..noooooo.."

"..it's not real...you will hurt yourself even more..now wake up and get ready to go to work..you be late for morning prayer if you don't.."

It seemed like i was having a war with my own conscious. I managed to fight it all and woke up, much to the fact puzzled on how it seemed so real. It's all over. I know. But why must she keep appearing in my dreams?

Why?

Sign

2006-10-31T23:26:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a friend? I rather pay the fine. Heh.

Its Official.

2006-10-30T23:54:00.000-08:00

It's official. Prior to the previous entries. I found the answer that i've been searching for. It's not that i'm gay (of course no doubt about it!) nor am i choosy. Ready for this?

*drum rolls*

I'm just not ready to fall. There. It's that simple. Emotion may be easily swayed once someone shows that care and concern that you yearn so much. But i guess the problem is as serious as i thought it to be.

I'M NOT FREAKING READY AND I DON'T KNOW THE HELL WHY. I CAN NO LONGER FALL IN LOVE. AND IT'S REALLY MAKING ME AFRAID OF MYSELF.

I've finally understand all that has been said based on the last few days that had gone by. I am in a really deep shit. No shit about that. Haiz.

Untitled

2006-10-27T02:21:00.000-07:00

Isit possible to have an emotionless relationship?

To be with someone whom can care for you yet you don't have feelings for but you know it can be nurtured in the later part of the relationship?

Advices greatly appreciated before your's truly make a huge mistake of his life.

Sigh.

Age is just a number i reassure you..

2006-10-17T01:43:00.000-07:00

After 3 years and 7 months. I finally gotta admit. I got a huge problem regarding my love life. It's either that i'm turning gay (which i assure you that i'm not, else i will still be attached anyway. phfttt.) or that i'm becoming supa choosy. Or maybe perhaps i'm just not ready at all (but then again i'm sure not everyone who's attached out there is anyway)

I don't know. It's like i wanna be there to take care of that special someone. To make sure everything is going fine in her life. To be her pillars of support. To plant that tender soft kiss before she goes to sleep every night. But the problem now is that everytime i wanna start something with someone, miraculously i will be put off by everything (God knows what!). It's like there's this polarity. Like i'm being repel by a powerful unknown force (i hope it doesn't sound that dramatic now. ish.). It's like i'm drowning in fear. Perhaps it's the long period of singlehood that's making me to push back things. I'm already in my supa comfort zone and i don't know whether i wanna give it up. Will it ever be worth it? Hopelessly i don't have the answer to that.

And maybe i'm just trying too hard to find someone who could fit in the description i'm looking for - sweetsimplekindfilielreligiousindependenthappygoluckyaries(they match well with capris!)

Well that isn't too much to ask right? Not as if i'm asking for a Heidi Klum. I think it's reasonable enough. Heh.

It's like *gulp* 2 1/2 more months before 24 comes knocking on the door and never in my wildest imagination 10 yrs ago that i would think i'm still gonna be single a decade later.

Am i being naive here? Or do i just think too much?

Sigh. I will get back on it some other time.

Back to the cyber world of Onimusha. Get ready to be slayed you genma monsters!

Grand 'Ol Book

2006-10-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

I went down to Bukit Panjang (or some would call "Long Hill". haha.) just a while ago to go pay some debts (hah!) to the pawnshop. Actually it's my mum's monthly thingy. Just helping her so she won't need to travel all the way there.

And it just happen that someone lives really close to that shop. Someone whose name i won't mention. Really drat going there in the past 'cause i will then have sleepless nights for the next couple of days. Today's visit was somehow better. I saw her flat. And the place where we would always promise to meet up. The usual carpark where i would park. Everything that reminds me of the 'ol time. How it seemed like yesterday that things were so promising. As i make a U-turn and accelerate on my trottle, my back facing her place, it seemed that i've decided to leave the past behind. Leaving everything in the grand 'ol book of memories.

Another chapter closed.

A few days ago, while on the way back from terawih, i reminisced another fateful event.

"..yang..asal lambat sangat..? kan dah dekat nak bang ni..? bus lambat datang tau.."

"sorry la b...i baru abis mandi laaa..hehe" with that cheeky smile on her face.

And we would then just walk back home after prayers (since we live just opposite to each other. heh.). We would then take that chance to just talk. But not before stopping by the coffeeshop to buy a packet of Pepsi. *slurp*

Another chapter closed.

"yang...penat laaaa..angkat i boleh..?"

I would then piggyback her from school all the way back to her house (don't worry it's not that far if you're wondering). She would cooked for me everytime i went down to her place. And her sambal udang is really a killa. I lurveeeeeeeeee so much. Hehe. Her mum told us to get engaged back then. I wasn't ready. She's now married.

Another chapter closed.

So there you go. 3 different person. 3 wonderful person. The love of my life at different point of time. Though the inevitable happened, i cherished them alot, even 'till now. They were the one who taught me about love and life itself.

Why am i even saying all this?

Well. Love is built on memories albeit the good and bad. Not just promises or empty ones if i would say. You go through everyday life together to get to know each other. The bad habits. His/her liking to certain things. Routes taken. That's how you built on your relationship. It's pointless to hold on to something you're not destined to have. To a certain someone out there. Please do understand this. It is just not within my capabilities to work this out.

Finally!

2006-10-01T16:44:00.000-07:00

After months contemplating whether to change my blogskin, i've finally did! Finally managed to put my I.T skills to some good use. Haha. How? Not that bad huh? Except that my eyes are kinda sore after hours sitting infront of the pc.

Anyway life been kinda hectic the past few weeks. With the COC parade rehearsals and the fasting month here, i didn't have much time for my friends much less for myself. And so im really looking forward to raya this year. Not 'cause of the money (not that i get that much compared to what..10 years back?haha.) but more 'cause i didn't managed to spend it last year 'cause of SISPEC training. Phffttt.

Okla i think i wanna go hit the bed. I got a bad headache la.

Happy break-fast..!

~Congrats~

2006-09-07T22:28:00.000-07:00

Mood: I Live My Life For You - Lifehouse

Congrats once again to Mr Z (not in the pic though) and Miss T. May happy time beckons for you guys. :)

Freaking weird!

2006-08-25T22:46:00.000-07:00

Mood: Ready For You (Acoustic) - Hoobastank

This is so freaking weird. I've found this in a friend's blog. What can i say? Everything written here matches my exact sentiments. But then again, coincidence do happen. *winks*

As written by that someone -

Have u ever loved and lost somebody?
Yes we did.

Have u ever waited for someone but still failed to capture him/her?
Yes we did.

Have u ever smile and said u are fine when actually ur heart is breaking into pieces?
Yes we did.

Have u ever been confused with ureself coz u dun even know what u want out of life now though ure living in one?
Yes we did.

HAve u ever saw ur crush walked next to u with another person he/she is happy with and still tell ureself( I still want her!!!/him!!!)
Yes we did.

HAve u ever wished happiness for the guy/girl with someone else even tough u really want him/her for ureself and it really HURTS to see them together?
Yes we did.

HAve u ever pretended to be happy and cheerful infront of others but when ure lonely at night u CRIED ureself to sleep?
Yes we did

PS. This entry doesn't truly reflect the true feeling of your's truly. I no longer feel emo about some past crushed feeling. I'm totally fine as i am writing this. Well just to let you people know. Enuf said.

A tribute. To Mum.

2006-08-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

Mood: Bonda Ku Sanjung, Ayah Ku Agung - 2D

I know what i've said in the last entry but I'm gonna make an exception. Just for my dearest mum. This is specially for her.

14 years ago, when i was 9, i used to wake up at 530 in the morning everyday. Just to accompany my mum to her work place. She used to have this canteen she shared with grandma at a factory somewhere near Marsiling. Being the caring mum that she is, she don't expect me to wake up so early and to follow her. But other then thinking of the small sum of money i would get without fail, my heart ached knowing that she have to start work so early in the morning, alone. Sometimes when i was just so lazy to wake up, she would tell me that she just want my company for that morning. And i would feel obligated to wake up. And so we will wait for bus 370 every morning together.

I used to help her cook large quantities of fried eggs or telur mata lembu. And also the curry puffs. Amid getting scalded by the boiling oil, i find doing all that fun (i guess that explains my liking to cooking.hah!). And when that's all done, i would sleep after that. Haha. Used to carry the pails full of dirty plates back to the washing area with my arwah yayi. Always wanted to help out washing the plates but got a tongue lashing from my mum. She said she doesn't want me to have dried skins like her's. Instead all i got to do was to wipe the plates dry. How boring. And so i would sulk just like any small kid. Friday was the day i'm always looking forward to. 'Cause that's the day when they would clean the entire canteen. I would carry the extremely heavy but powerful water hose and "shoot" at the birds nearby. Haha. And slide just like Iceman on the slippery and soapy floor. And landed quite a number of time on my behind. *Ouch*

Oh yeah. How can i forget. That was also the time that i somehow hone my goalkeeping skills. I will always go the the back alley and with a ball in hand, tried kicking as hard as possible against the wall. And i would try to save it. Just like in a normal match. And so i was the 'keeper, striker, referee and also the commentator. All in one. On the concrete floor. Haha. And i would go to the female toilet (i was 9 ok!) and start reading all the old newspaper, some even dated way back to the late '80s. That explains why i'm so addicted to the NewPaper. And when i went to the 2nd floor to play my Tamiya car all by myself.

Hardly a tribute to mum? Read on.

Then it hit me today. That mum, my beloved mum have been working so hard just to allow me and my sis a normal and happy childhood. We didn't come from a well-to-do family yet i really had a great time growing up. How mum would instil in us that we have to study real hard. That she doesn't wants us to have low education like her (not that she didn't want to study but she had to give way to her brother. They were from a big family you see and money was very hard to come by back then). How she scrimped her money. Just to pay for the rather expensive tuition fees. Just so we would get the best of education. How worried she was when i had a deep cut on my hand when i was 7. How she always give me the chicken wing when it is her favourite. How she would always cooked for me my sambal udang when i got back from school. How she would get for me everything that i wanted (with me not realising that money don't simply drop from the sky).

And a very hilarious moment. I was 6 that time, still using those baby bottle to drink. One day i was laying on her lap sucking my bottle. No matter how she asked me to stop drinking from the bottle, i still wouldn't give up the habit. So suddenly she hug me real tight. And ask my sis to grab the bottle and throw it down the rubbish chute. I tell you. I cried like hell. Funny how i can still remember that so vividly. And how i was 4, was in tadika class. It was the end of school and mum was fetching me back home. Then as we were at the traffic light waiting for the ever famous "green man", i felt something ticklish oozing down my pants. Then i realised i just let go of you-know-what (my stomach was really in pain but i didn't tell anyone. Heh). Then i gently pulled my mum's hand and show her what's coming out from my pants. Haha. Mum sure had the biggest shock of her life. Luckily our house was nearby.

I can never forgive myself for all the hurt i've caused to her during my teenage years. I've not only made her worried, yet even allowed her to cry in front of me. I was a havoc and rebellious teenager and her advices just fell on deaf ears. I hate myself for doing all the stupid things back then.

Yet now at the matured age of 23, i've promised myself. That i'm never gonna make my mum worried about me ever again. I'm gonna be the good, filial son that she has been praying for ever since i wasn't even born. I'm gonna take good care of her 'till she grow old. That's the least i can do after all the things she have done for me. That's why i can't wait to start my career. I wanna provide for her. I don't wanna her to work again. She's already old. She deserved to have her rest now. Arrghh NS. Phfftt. But it's good to see the smiles on her face whenever i follow her to the mosque. People have been giving me names eversince i was young. "Mummy's boy la..", "Tido bawah ketiak mak laaa..". I don't care seriously. Heh. She's the best i could ever have in this world. Ever.

So with tears in my eyes, i just wanna say..

I love you mak.

This is not the end.

2006-08-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

Mood: Mimpi Yang Sempurna - Peter Pan

From the bottom of my heart, i feel happy for her. She looks just the way she ought to be - smiling. She and her better half. I'm not jealous nor upset. In fact i'm glad that she've found her happiness. I guess my prayers came true after all. :)

Maybe what they said is true. It doesn't matter whether you get to be with someone you love. Knowing that they are happy albeit with other people sets your mind to ease. Knowing that there is someone else who will take good care of them. Someone who can bring the smiles out from them. Someone who will shower them with warmth and love. Someone who will walk alongside them hand-in-hand on the beach when evening comes. Though it won't ever be me, i'm kinda relief that there will be someone to catch her when she falls. Well, love is all about sacrifices right? I am happy. Just as long she is too.

Anyway, i'm gonna stop blogging for the time being. I don't see any more needs for me to blog. Maybe when the day arise and my life eventually has been kick-start again, perhaps i will drop by here. 'till then.

Something to ponder about -

this life is like goin' through a bumpy ride
even if you say you know what's wrong from right
people want to show me, the right way to walk
people want to show me, the right way to talk
why can't i just be myself? why can't you see me the way i am?
i'm not whining nor am i trying to make a stand
i merely want you to look at me without prejudice
i don't want you to think that being with me is such a big risk
i am not a kid anymore, just not the most mature adult
ive got alot of integrity so don't try to make me into something I'm not
why should I join in with those in play, whom I've no delight..
who's not telling the truth, trying to amend the human rights
even if you try to change me a little bit, i'll take it as an insult
for i am an individual with my own kind of mind
thank you very much but i'd rather you be out of my sight!

enjoy life.

~cheers~

:)

2006-08-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

Mood: Give My Love - Edward Chun

When i look in your eyes i can see that you
Want to be with me but you're so scared
And i don't know what to say or do
But the tears keep falling from your eyes
And i know that times won't change my love
And i can't do nothing to keep you

*oh, i'll give my love
Oh when i hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that i can't change my love
Take my love all through the night...

As the hours pass away
You think that love ain't here to stay
Feel a beat from your chest
But you don't give doubt a moment's rest
You dream the future and all you see is dark
Listen to your heart, baby,
The truth will set sparks

Now i'll give my love oh when i hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know, that i can't change my love
Take my love all through the night...

Now i'll give my love oh when i hold you tight
Give my love through kisses oh so bright
And you know that time won't change my love
Take my love all through the night... (*)

Not any time soon.

2006-08-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

The 'lil one asked,

"..abg amin abg amin..bila abg amin nak kawin..?"

STUNNED.

*Gulp* Must not panic. Must not.

Even mummy have been hinting these few days.

That's the reason why i hate bumping into relatives while going out with gal frens. Older generation they are so obviously they have this typical mindset that i'm actually with that person. Pfhht. If only things were less complicated than it seemed.

No matter what. I will only be with someone if i'm able to fall for her and vice-versa. I won't be with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship. Ah-ah. No way. So even if i'm the last man standing without meeting the "one", i'll not go around like a hungry predator searching for it's prey. Hah.

Adios. For now.

Sucka i am..?

2006-08-08T20:52:00.000-07:00

Mood: Our Love Will Always Last - Edward Chun

It's official. I'm a sucka for korean drama now. Especially for this show. It is simply enticing and romantic. You should, believe me catch it. It's not over yet, my mistake. Still on, at Channel U, Monday and Tuesday at 1900Hours. Remember to watch it in Korean (it's dual sound by the way).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr4mKQjgLHQ - english version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lviCpb3eXYI - korean version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnNOzGlxK3s - english version

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94MiOi0RFpY - korean version

Anyway these are the theme songs of the show. It's really nice so you should listen to it. Well you heard it here first! ;)

~ A new beginning ~

2006-08-07T22:48:00.000-07:00

I've finally rekindled my love.

To God.

This is what i was before. This is what i am gonna be now.

No more doing stupid stuffs. It's time to do good. So guys, you should know what to do. No more asking me out to sleezy places again. I've call it quits. It's about time i guess. I so miss my old life. No more being down over unnecessary stuffs. No more thinking that love is the life. Now my religion is my everything.

Shukran. To God for allowing me to repent. :)

Congrats!

2006-08-06T02:44:00.000-07:00

Mood: 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

First of all, a big shout out to Mister Z and Miss T. Congrats on deciding to get engaged! All the best for the future. Ako nak sambal udang! Yang besar besar nye. Hehehe.

Secondly, pictures uploaded!! Lotsa it! :)

Thirdly, i'm tired. So goodnight and goodbye.

i like this pic..!

Save the last dance..for me..??

2006-08-01T22:46:00.000-07:00

Mood: Far Away - Nickleback

I'm feeling elated today. After receiving a short yet certain message from a certain someone. To some i know it's gonna sound bad but it sure lifted my spirit. And i'm still wondering as to why.

Anyway..

Do catch Save The Last Dance For Me. It's a Korean romantic drama and the finale will be on next Monday, 1900 hours on Channel U. To those that have been watching it, do not miss it! I'm not. ;)

Just a quick synopsis -

In this new hit drama, Yoo Jin, formerly of popular band S.E.S., co-stars with Ji Sung of the hit gambling drama All In, and the two play a couple whose touching love is arranged, and then disrupted by sudden chance and the vagaries of fate.Soo Jin (Yoo Jin) is a pure but unsophisticated woman who runs a small resort inn with her father. Soo Jin is just an ordinary girl, but her life changes when she meets a man (Ji Sung) who's completely lost his memory. She takes him in and cares for him, and even gives him a name: "Jan Ho". Love blossoms, and soon wedding bells can be heard. But on the night of their wedding ceremony, Soo Jin's father passes away. And soon after, Jan Ho disappears too! In the blink of an eye, the two people Soo Jin loves most in the world have left her. But Jan Ho has his reasons for disappearing: his real name is Hyun Woo, and he's heir to a large conglomerate. Even more, someone is plotting to kill him...

...

2006-07-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

Mood: Thoughtless - Korn

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying when you're bloody down in front of me

All of my hate cannot be bound
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

emo monday

2006-07-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

Mood: I Live My Life For You - Lifehouse

Love ain't never about hugs and kisses.
It's about compromise.

Love ain't never about "my way or the highway"
It's about sacrifices.

Love ain't all about laughters.
It's about tears too.

Love ain't all about rainbows and sunshine.
It's about lightnings and thunder too.

Love ain't never about sweet nothings.
It's about heartaches too.

Love ain't never about you and me.
It's always about 'us'.

The journey might be far from over..
The passage might not be smooth at all..
The thoughts might still be unclear..
But whenever and wherever you fall..
Just know that there's someone..
Who's willing to catch your back..
Just for you..

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know you're everything to me
And I could never see, the two of us apart
And you know I give myself to you
And no matter what you do, I promise you my heart

I've built my world around you and I want you to know
I need you, like I've never needed anyone before

I live my life for you
I want to be by your side in everything that you do
And if there's only one thing you can believe is true
I live my life for you

I dedicated my life to you
You know that I would die for you
But our love would last forever
And I will always be with you
And there is nothing we can't do
As long as we're together

I just can't live without you, and I want you to know
I need you like I've never needed anyone before

Wow, yeah I live my life for you

Bad hair day. On a Sunday?!

2006-07-23T22:22:00.000-07:00

I've cut my hair too short. *Gulp*

So reminds me of the days at SISPEC. Those 4-3-2-1 haircuts. Phftt. I so don't miss them. But here i am again. Haizz.

No more going out now. Not until my hair is presentable at least. Haha. I know. I'm so vain. (i sound so girlish here, but hey it's true!)

A new week. Another new week. I'm so sick of doing the same thing over and over again.

Arghhhh. 10 more months.

Must. Hang. In. There.

Gosh. I'm so pathetic.

Outta here.

Laters.

Semi-charmed kinda life..

2006-07-22T23:32:00.000-07:00

Mood: Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Somebody help me. I'm in pain. I cant't move my neck. I think it's the way i slept yesterday but my mum said i'm feeling just abit too heaty.

Anyway..

I'm feeling real edgy today. Restless too if i might add.

"No dates today?" someone asked.

Then i just realise i've been going out with quite a number of people just for this month alone. And frankly? I'm getting tired of it.Basically, the same thing will happen over and over again. The first and last meet-up. I don't know what's up with me. I just can't seemed to bring myself entering the second meet-up stage ( or for some lucky peope the third). I don't see myself having dates. Just plain ol' meet-ups. Dates are events that you share with someone you like or someone you're chasing after. What the hell am i talking here. I just wanna meet the saviour. My saviour. But i'm so lazy to go out and meet new people. Phfttt.

Yesterday though, i managed to catch 'How Much You Love Me' starring Monica Belucci. Don't even bother thinking about catching it. Lest if you wanna catch Madame Belucci voluptuous assets and smooth curves, you be just wasting your dollars cause the plot is way too thin (or non-existence!) for a French movie.

Late night by the esplanade..

My room turns out like this aft only 1 night of guard duty. A new furniture and everything else rearranged.

CPR and CAI IC..

PS. Shit. I miss her out of a sudden.

Yawnnnn

2006-07-20T00:38:00.000-07:00

It's been a long tiring week so far. Had only a pathetic 8 hours of sleep so far for the past three days. Due to guard duty, late nights out. I'm dead beat as i'm writing this down.

A big shout-out though to two new friends made.

To Miss N for being the much-sought movie khaki i've been searching for. Pirates of the Caribbean was a blast. Aye?

To Miss I for forcing me to do her reports. Tiring, yes. But did enjoy e company. Really wondering why they must banned smoking at that place. Ridiculous.

Somehow i'm beggining to enjoy meeting different types of people now. Their perspective of life, and love and etc. I may be the very much lonely guy right now, but with friends around, it sure help lighten the cause. Heh.

One issue, i'm pretty much contemplating working as an air-steward after i'm done with NS. I received several positive comments that i should try applying since i've been talking non-stop on how much i wanna travel around the world.

That's a catch though.

To travel and meet new people and experience the different cultures are one thing.

But to do it as a career is another.

I always thought that if i were to travel, it will either be with my better half (which is none currently. Hah!) or with my friends. To travel alone ain't just my cup of tea. And not forgetting the phobia of flying and the sea. You can go figure it yourself. :)

Oh well, time is still by my side. I'll have to think about this very carefully. I mean, who wouldn't right?

Ok then. Time to hit the bed. I badly need the sleep. Good night Singapore and people around the world!

~Peace out~

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

What a tiring weekend!

2006-07-17T00:44:00.000-07:00

Weekend was spent on just the NDP rehearsal itself. There's quite some pictures taken but so lazy to upload in here with the resizing and stuffs to be done. So just go to this link to see more yar..!!

http://cyberlicious.multiply.com/photos/album/8

or..

you can just go to my "BROKEN LINKS" profile and hover over the link..

just a warning though, it's been ages since i last updated my multiply profile..heh..

thats my name..!!

It's time.

2006-07-14T22:28:00.000-07:00

I think i had enough. Being the mister-nice guy. Doing all the apologising when i'm not even in the wrong? Being misunderstood. Lashing out on me whenever and wherever you feel like doing it. Accusing me of things i didn't do. Clearly taking advantage of me. This has been going on for soooo long now.

If you expect me to be the perfect gentleman, no way i'm gonna be. If you think i will obey to your sayings just because you think i will wait for you, ah ah you're wrong. If you think i'm gonna be there for you only when you need me for comfort, i'm saying shame on you. Wouldn't wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with me in the first place. So goodbye to you. Goodbye to mister nice me.

I'm back to being the jerk that i'm well-known for. Maybe it is true after all, nice guys finish last. So why be the nice guy in the first place. You have been pushing me to the limits. And it's time, finally.

Three years are up.

The animal has been release.

Welcome back the good ol' mean me.

Let the fun begin.

Hah.

One Night In You?? Eeuuuuwwwwww.. (Hah!)

2006-07-10T01:01:00.000-07:00

This is gonna be a pointless entry. So shoooo to those without any sense of humour. Heh.

Anyway there's two stories that i wanna share for today. And it all have to do with my adorable (yet so blur!) cousin.

Ok the first story happened a few weeks ago. I was accompanying her to buy cigarettes. Then i just got this urge to disturb her. So here it goes.

Her: Uncle, one packet of *** please.

Shopkeeper: Ok that will be $8.90.

Me to nobody: *cough* IC, *cough* IC

Then the uncle upon hearing me saying that demand to take a look at my cousin's IC. I was laughing hysterically! And poor cousin have to take out her IC when she's like bloody 23 already! Muahahahaha!! Should take a look at her face. If she has a gun with her that day, i swear she will surely shoot me in the head at that very moment!

Second story.

This happened just today. Me and the two cousins were talking. Then the topic of Paris Hilton came out. He was talking about this story of how Miss Hilton happily bought this "One night in Paris" video for her 14 years old cousin.

He: Have you heard about the "One night in Paris" before?

She: Huh?

Me & He: Muahahahahahahahah!!!

Me: Seriously no??

She: Huh? What's that?

He: Imagine ****** in you.

She: In me? Noooooooooooo..Neverrrrrrr...Can't what???

At this point she still doesn't get it.

Me & He: Muahahahahahaha!!

She: Huh?

Me: * Censored* --> Explaining word by word. Layman term.

After a while, she finally got it. And we continue laughing from now on. So blur. Haizzz. Hah!

So that's my cousin for you. So funny. I guess the three of us are la anyway. Hah.

Balaclava..

That's my Macdonald..

Mirror image? *Ok that isn't a bulging stomach. That's just the jacket doing some tricks on your eyes*

Baby "Samaire" part 1..

Baby "Samaire" part 2..

Bilik bujang..supa-messy..hahah..

My living room!!

PS. Some of the pictures uploaded here was taken just for fun. Got nothing else to take anyway. Haha!

3 Days Grace

2006-07-06T23:31:00.000-07:00

So what if you can see,

The darkest side of me,

No one will ever tame,

This animal I have become.

Help me believe,

It's not the real me,

Somebody help me tame this animal.

Deja Vu..Again??

2006-07-04T23:25:00.000-07:00

I went out with a new friend, again, today. For the how-many-times-i-can't-remember. Phft.

Somehow, it seemed like i've known and met this person before. She so remind me of someone. That someone in the past. Her independence, maturity, dedication to work, strong-headed, know's what she wants in life and of course, the cuteness ( and yeah she likes green too!! ). *winks*

I swear it was her long lost twin.

Then again, i don't know if i'm ever meeting her again. The similarities were kinda obvious but i guess by she giving me the Fish & Co treat ( eventhough how much i wanna pay for it ) leave me no choice but to get for her a birthday present which will up pretty soon and i still don't have any idea on what to get for her. Basically she's a 'shopaholic'. She have already own so many things. Smart girl. Just happily make me get her a gift. 10 more days. Sigh. Any ideas? Sarah?? Help me on this. Purleaseeeeeeee??

Anyway thanks Miss A for everything. It was nice meeting you. *chuckles*

PS. Sigh i'm gonna miss the World Cup semi-finals. 3am is way too early for me to get up. Sigh.

Superman Returns

2006-07-03T21:48:00.000-07:00

Managed to catch Superman Returns yesterday.

I've to say this is one of the best version of the popular superhero from DC Comic. Maybe because Superman had an awesome cool costume. Or maybe the special effect was superb. Or maybe because Superman was potrait as an emotional guy just like any human beings. Rather than attempt to be larger than life and behave like an icon, he prefers to play it with more humanity and personality. That gained the sympathies from the people watching him which i'm sure the director of the show, Bryan Singer had in mind when he was first assigned to do the movie.

Except for some of the takes which were exaggerated to the point of idiocy. Like when Superman's hair remained gelled eventhough after diving into the sea. How he managed to land up in the ICU ( like come on he IS Superman after all. Just give him a bit of sunlight and he be up and running or should i say flying). And the shocker of all mother shocker ( hah somehow i like how that sounds. hmm ) - Superman has a huge secret. Maybe bigger than the already destroyed Planet Krypton. As yours truly is really a very thoughtful and considerate guy, i won't spoil the fun for those who have not catch the movie. For those who don't want to, beep me up ( only people that knows me are applicable here! hah ), then i will be more than kind to fill you in in one of the biggest surprise ever in DC Comic. Trust me. You won't expect this. Neither did i!

Other than that, i think Brandon Routh depicts Superman to a very certain point that he reminds me of the late Christopher Reeves. So much for Tom Welling. I think he should just stay at Smallville. Not that i've anything against him since i lurveee watching Smallville ( Lana Lang! Lois Lane! Chloe Sullivan!), it's just that Brandon Routh is this raw talent which people have not seen before, thus making him the perfect Superman after Reeves. That ol' chap should be proud, trust me.

So..

Other than Superman being the main talking point of this entry, I so badly wanna clear this up. It's getting real irritating. After 23 long years.

I am a MALAY.MUSLIM!

Please do not mistook me for a Chinese. Yes my grandma may hail all the way from Hong Kong. Yes i may look supa-cina now (i'm trying my very best to get as much tan as possible). But no i'm no Chinese. I can only speak ee tian tian Mandarin. I can understand when people are bitching about me in Mandarin. I may enjoy watching Chinese drama serial ( and now Korean shows have caught my attention and heart! Heh). But i do watch Malay shows. Listen to Malay songs. Speak Malay ( albeit the very rough version or melayu kasar). I am 100% Melayu. No doubt about it.

And the most annoying part?

When people start talking to me in Chinese when i'm wearing my bloody Army uniform with my name spelt out perfectly clear in the name tag and in capital letters at that! These people ah.

" Wa pu sher huaren. Wa sher malairen. " - that's my common response to that (well i obviously don't know how to spell Mandarin characters so pardon me if it's spelt wrongly).

Anyway..

I'm going to Korea next year right after ORD-ohhh!!

If i got my way that is ( 60% almost there. Heh). The families are planning to go to Melbourne but i think i prefer going Korea since it's gonna be snow and the scenery will be just superb! Kawaii!! Opps. That's Japanese. *winks*

Man of steel..

PS. Since now is the Superman fever, some songs dedicated to Mister Clark Kent aka Superman's fans : Greenday - Superman, Our Lady Peace - Made of Steel, Superman's dead. Check it out yar! Enjoy~~

Go England!

2006-07-02T02:43:00.000-07:00

First of all, i'm not gonna be a sore loser.

So kudos to the Portuguese for advancing through to the next round.

It was the best match i've ever watch. England versus Portugal. What a appropriate timing to exact revenge for the Euro 2004 loss. But it was a night not to be. The moment the match went into penalty shoot-outs, with the number 1, Alexandre Ricardo in between the post couple with England woeful luck with penalties (5 losses in 16 years excluding European championship!), i somehow received this premonition that it's gonna be all disaster for the English. Though i was praying what i felt was wrong somehow it did come true. Sigh.

Whatever it is, applauses to the English for bringing the game to the Portuguese eventhough being one man down for a large chunk of the game and playing without their influential captain. Particularly to Owen Hargreaves for having a superb match down in the middle. Joe Cole for mesmerising the millions around the world with his skills and deft touches (considering he IS an English after all). Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard for executing their roles (though it was a major dissapointment that Lampard failed to score in any of the matches considering the number of chances he had). Paul Robinson for the countless saves. The four defenders for blocking out waves and waves of Portuguese attacks.

And Peter Crouch.

Peter Crouch? Pfhtt don't even let me get started. He sucks. Period.

It was a good game and there had to be a winner and loser. Portugal won but we will meet again, for sure. And 'till then, all the best for the Portuguese in the semi-final.

For the English?

Let's look forward to Euro 2008 Austria/Switzerland and World Cup 2010 South Africa.

And yeah may God still save the Queen.

Dejected..

The entry with no title.

2006-06-30T00:40:00.000-07:00

It's like freaking 1240am now and i'm still up. I'm so gonna be late for work tomorrow or later on if you wanna be that accurate. Sigh.

I was blog-hopping. And somehow i found out that other people's life are like so colourful and fun.

Damn i feel so empty. So many things in my mind right now but i just don't know how to put it in words. Somehow it's seemed tonight is one of those emo session night. Don't even have any clues why i'm listening to these emo songs. Phfttt.

Life is like sooo routine now. And i HATE it. I want to start work. Wanna go see the world. Singapore is so so so damn boring. The environment just sucks right now. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I am bored to the max. I think i'm better off hitting the bed.

Sigh.

For the 5th time.

Glitch in the Matrix?

2006-06-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

I sense a weird feeling of deja vu.

It's like this certain aura that's suffocating the livelihood out of me, literally.

And i hate being in this predicament.

I want out, before i'm being sucked further into it.

Sigh.

Here we go again.

Tiger?..anyone??

2006-06-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

Something funny happened yesterday.

Was at my grandma's place to fetch my mum home. Then the aunts started talking about the recent trip to Thailand and suddenly Zak's name pop up in the conversation. They were asking which airline his girlfriend is in right now. Then what's more amazing was this...

"Alaaaa..ntah-ntah amin nye girlfriend pon air-stewardess. Air-stewardess takpe..asalkan bukan dari TigerAirway. Service tak bagus!"

Haha. I don't know whether to laugh at the fact that i'm still single or about the airline part. In the end i just gave out a grin. This aunties ah. They can be annoying but they can be real funny at times. Heh.

Anyway, today i get to play with the youngest cousin in the family, cute 'lil Jannah. You see, before this, she will always cry when she sees me. Not because i'm scary or what, it's 'cause when she was born last year, i was already enlisted for NS. And i seldom attend to family functions for almost a year, no wonder she didn't know that i am her 4th eldest cousin (and that's like out of 29 ok!!) . She's like supa adorable now that she can walk!!!

Number 29th..6 months ago...

And i found this among my files in the PC..meaningful? You bet!

PS. It's been a long long long time since i last listen to Kris Dayanti and Anang's songs. The last time was like way back in '99. Should listen to their 'Makin Aku Cinta'. Superb! I like. ;)

Love is in the air?

2006-06-24T17:06:00.000-07:00

Was watching What Women Want on 5 yesterday. Really damn good romantic movie. Believe me after watching that movie, it somehow gave me hope that real love does still exist in this world. Trust, sincerity and the willingness to go through thick and thin together. Another lesson learnt. Superb!

Hmmmm..

Am i or am i not?

Did i really jumped off the cliff?

Or was it all an illusion?

Truth to be told, i'm still very very afraid. For all the heartaches and sleepless nights.

BUT..

If she's willing, i'm all for it.

I don't wanna say if she's the one or whatsoever. I will only jinx whatever that's gonna happen next, like how it has always been so. Somehow, there's this amazing connection that i feel we shared. Well to my opinion that is. Trust me if anyone could, i'll do everything just to make things work if she's willing as i said. There will no longer be a repeat of a 1-sided relationship..no no..never never never again. People do learnt from their mistakes right? I believe i'm a much better guy now in terms of handling relationships compared to what, 2 years ago? I'm starting to think more for other people then just about myself. Well the world doesn't just revolve around me right? ;) Then if things are to follow the scripts, perhaps i will then have a great companion to follow me to South Africa in 4 years time. Then can have fun together. Phfttt. Who am i to kid. It's way too early to tell. The treatment kinda cold and slow now. I don't know. Ohh God please do not let me get hurt again. *cross fingers*

Gonna be scenes on the 9th of July. Come on England! We are bringing back the cup after 40 long years!!

Keane - Is It Any Wonder

2006-06-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

I
I always thought that
I knew I'd always have the right to
Be living in the kingdom of the good and truth

It's on but now I think how I was wrong
And you were laughing along
And now I look a fool to thinking you were wrong

My sight
Is it any wonder I'm tired
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right

Sometimes
It's hard to know where I stand
It's hard to know where I am
Well maybe it's a puzzle I don't understand

But sometimes
I get the feeling that I'm
Stranded in the wrong time
Where love is just a lyric in a tail-goes-round

It sounds by
Is it any wonder that I'm tired
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right
All these days
After all the misery made
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid
Is it any wonder that I feel betrade

Nothing left inside this old cathedral
Just this sad lonely aspires
Adding you make it right

Oh did you try
Is it any wonder I'm tired
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight
Is it any wonder I don't know what's right
All these days
After all the misery made
Is it any wonder that I feel afraid
Is it any wonder that I feel betrade

A meaningful song indeed!

supa boring sunday

2006-06-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

And so im doin this out of supa boredom. And cause deary cuzzy insist on so. The house is like so quiet now. Whole family went for a holiday to Thailand 'till next Wednesday leaving me all alone. I'm supa not used to the temporary arrangement. I mean to sleep and wake up whenever you feel like it. To smoke everywhere in the house. To blast the television's volume. Life kinda cool except am so lazy to cook my own food everyday. And kinda miss the constant naggings from beloved mummy. I'm starting to miss them all. Oh well.

Anyway i got something to occupied myself. Finally got my own set of PS2 after so long wanting to own one to keep me entertain throughout the day.

Ok that's all. Brazil vs Australia coming up. Chao!

3 schools I went to: fuchun pri, fuchun sec, nyp
3 things in my handbag: errrr i don carry handbags. phftt.
3 things I do when I'm stressed: smoke smoke smoke!
3 places i go on a daily basis: al-ameen woodlands, nee soon camp, mac civic centre
3 fav fruits: durian, mango, lychee
3 names I go by: min, mamin (thx la cuz!hmpf!!) , mister mutant level 1 (whatever to dat)
3 of my fav food: sambal udang! macaroni (fried or cheese), chicken chop
3 things I'm wearing right now: only my soccer shorts. very hot lah.
Who is in the house with me: no one. all alone for five days.
Who am I thinking of right now? someone out der. she noes who. :)
Who did I last talk to on the phone: dat someone.
Who did I sit with during my 5th period in class? lidyana!
Who was the last person I uttered love to? hmmmm long time. don wish to say who.
Who do I wish I am with right now? haha. of course her laaaaa.. ;)
Who gets on my nerves most in school? errrr no one since i irritate ppl..muahahaha!
Where do I sleep? in my supa clean now bedroom
Where is the place I took a ride to? changi airport.
What was the last thing I ate? fried macaroni
What colour shirt am I wearing now? no shirt now.
What is the closest item to me that is blue? my dearest baby "samaire" :)
What do I like most about school? pocket money
What is my fav colour? green!!
What do I wear most often jeans or shorts? shorts
What was the last movie I watched? x-men 2
When did I start school?1986
When did I last go to the mall? last tues?
When did I last burn something? er.. dats supa long time ago.
3 bloggers to do this: whoever la. doin dis jus cause of boredom.

KL Trip May 2006

2006-05-31T22:30:00.000-07:00

Finally pictures from the KL trip..

emotional bus ride..

touchdown?

dinner was superb!!

the first night..

'crazy' mode..

SS?

The pic without a name..

m&m

da group~~

farewell..

PS. Dont ask 'bout the Night Safari pics. Someone just hafta fall sick on that day. Phftt.

After 10 years..

2006-05-27T01:06:00.000-07:00

Yup yup after 10 long years, i'm going to the Night Safari again.

Yay yay. Can't wait though.

Pictures coming up here for sure. :)

Year 2000

2006-05-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

Finally..a picture of the cuzssss..these are the people that have been through good and bad times with me...people i can rely on..thanks alot cuzs for being there..and..

NO FIGHTING!! ;)

I lurveeeee this pic!!

What's in a name?

2006-05-21T03:26:00.000-07:00

It's been ages since we the cuzzins had a chilling session. And so one of the topics discussed over the early morning was that of our future kids' name. For me it was rather straightforward.

For a girl it would be Nur Aliyah Maisara or Nur Danialla Ernawati.

For a guy it's gonna be something simple - Mohammad Nur Danial or Mohammad Nur Imran

How? Nice right. I know. Heh. I'm sooo gonna be the best dad in the world! They will be my heart and soul that's for sure. :)

So here's for the future.

~cheers~

Simply hilarious.

2006-05-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

Surprisingly. Not even a single bird seen today! Hah. I think they must heard my cursing. BUT as i was going home just now, there was this turtle trying to cross the road. Poor thing! I can see it was running as if it's ass was on fire. Seriously that was the first time i saw a turtle moving so fast. I almost ran over it. Luckily i had time to avoid it. So wanted to stop and pick it up but i was at the most outer right lane going into the expressway. It was impossible to stop. I guess i be run over a lorry if i do. Then that turtle will have a companion in Heaven. Hah. Phft. I can't imagine it's fate now. Let's hope it is swimming in the resevoir nearby.

Awww you green creature..

Anyway life in School is full full of politics. A from NSTW bitches about B from TDW. C from BTW wrongly accused *ahem* yours truly. D from BTW defended *ahem* yours truly again. A is arguing with E from the same wing. BTW doesn't like TDW. NSTW and BTW are friends. TDW just wanna do their job efficiently. Argh. It's so complicated. I'm flying under the radar. 'Till 100607. *chuckles*

PS. Yay!! It's finally time for a holiday. Just a short trip to KL though with friends. Yippy~~

In demand?

2006-05-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I was approached today. Personally, by an Officer Commanding to join her wing. Gulp. The offer was made because they are shortage of intsructors and me being SISPEC trained and stuff, rather then wasting my life and skills doing some paper work, would want me to spearhead and mould the trainees' future. Heh. Basic Training Wing. Where you're close to being God among the trainees. Basically just like those intructors in BMTC. I was weighing the pros and cons. And after thinking long, there seemed to be more pros and cons. Like i get to be in charge of men (i mean i went through SISPEC to be just that right?), get to go for route marches (i miss those!), able to polish my medical skills and to get back my fitness (i gotta admit, im kinda afraid of taking my IPPT next month. I feel i've grown fat with all the nasi lemak EVERYDAY). BUT there's only one thing that's stopping me from going over. Starting from the next basic course, ALL intructors will be staying in personnel. And that actually hold me back. I mean i'm living the life in Training Development Wing. I'm in charge of the Exam Syndicate Room. I get to conduct CPR lesson once in awhile. Able to travel to Pasir Laba Camp and meet up with my ex sec com once in awhile. AND the 8-5 working hours. Who wouldn't want that man?! It's like crazy to give up that kind of priviledge. And many people would kill to be in my position. Though it's gonna be supaaaa stagnant but who cares. At least i got a life. Hah. Long live TDW!! Muahahahahaha!

Anyway, i was kinda annoyed at something. You know those freaking black bird commonly found in Singapore? Those irritating bas*ard? Yes those stupid birds are just tired of living. I mean, every morning, without fail, a big family of them would just stand on the middle of the road, those along Mandai Rd, for hell i don't know why! There ain't even worms on the road (well if there are, most likely they be crushed by all the vehicles). And always i have to sometime applied hard braking just to avoid running over them. And all those brakings actually cost me precious time reaching camp 'cause as always i'm late for work, what else. But well, i just need 5 minutes for it, so see the reason in waking up kinda late? Heh. So the journey to camp is like playing a game, trying to avoid the birds. Swaying left and ride. It can get fun though but i don't wanna kill innocent animals. It's just not me. Maybe they are just plain dumb. 'Nuff said. Phft!

Nice!

2006-05-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

When i first time heard this song on American Idol, i couldn't help but fall in love with this song. It's like the classical love song ever. Imagine cuddling with your loved one on a cold rainy day and listening to this song. Damn romantic.

So i strongly recommend those people out there in love or dying to improve on your romance life (other than the activities on bed.hah!) to download this song or simply can ask from me. Not too much people though least i be suspected to be a distributor of songs online. Haha. I don't wanna be caught ok. *Giggles*

Could it be..ive been bewitched, bothered and bewildered? Hmmmm.. (Hah!)

Its about time - Syam gettin it done and over with. Hah!

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered - Rod Stewart featuring Cher

[Rod Stewart]
After one whole quart of brandy
Like a daisy I awake
With no Bromo Seltzer handy,
I don't even shake.

[Cher]
Men are not a new sensation;
I've done pretty well, I think.
But this half-pint imitation
Put me on the blink

I'm wild again
Beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Rod Stewart]
Listen, baby I couldn't sleep
And wouldn't sleep
Until I could sleep where I shouldn't sleep
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Cher]
Lost my heart but what of it?
My mistake I agree.

[Rod Stewart]
Oh she's such a laugh, and I love it
Although the laugh's on me.

[Cher] Oohh I'll sing to him
Bring springs to him
And worship the trousers that cling to him
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

Oh you're so cute
Oh she's kept enough, she's slept enough
And yet, where it counts she's adapt enough

[Cher]
Aha

[Both]
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Cher]
When he talks he is seeking
Words to get off his chest.

[Rod Stewart]
Horizontally speaking
She's at her very best.

[Both]
Oh we've seen a lot I mean a lot
And now we're like sweet seventeen a lot
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I
Oh, we're vexed again
Perplexed again
Thank God we can't be over-sexed again
Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

PS. Things have finally come to an end. Thank goodness. I was waiting for this moment for a long long time already. Thank you, Miss F. :)

smiles

2006-04-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

New found friend. Miss FU 8**6C

Tribute to a green freak.

2006-04-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I'm so not gonna get emotional here.

But just wanna say a big thanks to a green freak. She's been my pal, my better half, my companion. She's been thru rain and shine with me. Been thru scary moments and happy lovable times (Remember Miss F?). Day or night, she never failed me. Never make any real trouble for me. For all the time i ignore you, forgot to clean you up. Didn't have time to give you good nutrients. From east to west, north to south of Singapore, we've covered it all baby.

For 2 years 2 months. That's a long long time. With heavy heart, i've to let you go. Not because my feelings have changed, but i think it's about time we moved on. Well, it always happen, right?

You've been good. Serve your next partner well. Take care babe. Gonna miss you.

Goodbye Miss FT5655B.

Hello Miss FU 8**6C

Training to be soldiers...

2006-04-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

I was looking at my photo album when i realised what fun it had all been this 10 months of National Service. Time flies real fast and i'm so missing all my frens back in BMT, SISPEC and SMM. So a huge shout-outs goes to..

BMT - Jaguar Coy

- Danial aka The Rock, my partner in crime. He look exactly like the Rock. Crazy and loud. Just like me. Heh. We hit off kinda well together.

- The melayus..Rizal, Wan, Shahib and Hairul. For marching to Sch 2 cookhouse together. Just us malays. Getting caught for not saluting officers, laughing, punching each other while marching (hah that was was hilarious!) and taking short-cuts on the way back. Hah.

- Wei Guang. My forever blur buddy. Classical cockster. Sleeping even while in a parade. Not checking m16 while sending back. Thanks to me he's always safe from further punishment.

- The whole of Section 1. The most slackiest section. Kudos to Jonathan for making thru to OCS at the last minute. Sim to SAF Band. Edmund to a real slack vocation. Andy for pursuing his dreams in the Air-Force. Snoopy for getting the chance to earn his rank in the Navy. And of course Johnson for almost making through SISPEC with me but had to out-of-course (OOC) with 4 weeks remaining in the course. Wasted. Wei Guang and Danial having to slog it out as riflemen at various units. Chei Wei for not hearing any news about him. Whr are u man? Ivan for going to Artillery.

- And the other Jaguar Platoon 1 crazy peepz..to name a few.. Senthil, Aron, CSM, Elson, Kenneth, Pink Panther, Chumbaka (Haha!), Cookie Monster.

SISPEC - Bravo Coy

- First of all, to my buddy, Faisal aka Cikodok. Haha. You and me. Just like bro man. Huge influence on each other. U crazy bi*ch. Haha.

- The melayus as usual..Fazli for missing the damn expensive Matador, Fakirin for being a big sleepy-head and Yazid being the sergeant wannabe from Platoon 1. And the rest..too much to mention..the 22 of you all. Crazy bunches. Remember puasa when we had to get up as early as 4am? When we felt so rejoice upon hearing.. "5BX with run tomorrow morning..."? meaning we get to have extra longer sleep? Hah. And while waiting for breaking of fast. The stupid games we played to keep our mind off the food that laid infront of us? Wont forget that man.

- To Alvin. Another blur guy albeit the muscleman of the company. Wasted that you have to OOC just 2 weeks before getting your sergeant rank.

- To the ever irritating Ah Chai for making it thru OCS eventhough being the most hated man in Bravo Coy. And the rest of Section 1 who doesn't have a strong liking for me and Cikodok.

SMM - Spec II 'Alpha'

I dont need to talk too much about this group. It seemed like only yesterday that we met. So here it goes - Oscar, Herwan, Paul, Leong, Kenny, Indra, Raheem, Imran, Qui, Noreman, Su, Suder, Jeremy and Adeline. Not to forget to the guys im still meeting at sch, Hafiz, John, Dayat, Lim and Fairuz. The 20 of us been thru hell together. But we made it alive. Hah. Finally specs are we all..

YOU GUYS ROCK MAN!!!!!!!!

.: Fate :.

2006-04-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like puking right now. Seriously.

Met an old fren just awhile ago. The one i shared 3 yrs of my life with. Found out she's gonna settle down in 3-4yrs time. Argghhhh. Opps. Not that i have anything against that. Fact is im happy for her. But there's just a tiny weeney part of me that felt resentment hearing that from her. Im not jealous or whatsoever but it could be me. Oh well. All along i think, if only i were to meet her in later part of my life. Things MIGHT just be different. A few days ago, 29th March to be exact should mark our 6th yrs anniversary if things never took a bad turn but as they said "jodoh tak kan ke mana.." meaning errr..Fate will still bring the One for you no matter what happen. Rough translation la. My malay getting poor nowadays. Hah.

That reminds me of someone else..she said.."if only we were to meet when we're both 25..then things will be just perfect.."

OK. Anyway. I was attending religious classes in the evening (Yes i still go for classes ok. hmpf!). I actually attained something new today. It was told that that a few weeks during pregnancies, still in foetus form, roh or souls are told of 3 things.

1. When they're (when born into the world) are gonna die.
2. Their jodohs.
3. And i forget abt the 3rd one. Something about being pious, i think.

And if they (the souls) decide not to agree on the conditions presented to them, they (the foetus) will pass away before birth. Which automatically brings them to Heaven.

Which bring back to what i've been thinking. Obviously my soul agrees on the conditions. Duh. But is he really satisfied with them all? Hmm. Especially about the fate part? 'Cause the word MARRIAGE has been heard quite often the past few weeks. With some friends and cousins getting married. Mum has been like emphasising on the $20K point in order to get married. With all the young people that she knows basically attached, she happily think that i am one too. Little that she know that MARRIAGE is the last thing on my mind. I mean, i do wanna get married but there's still some things that i wanna do before settling down. Like for one being attached. Duh? Ok that one not that important. I wanna travel the world first. I wanna go Dubai, Geneva, Tyneside, Glasgow, Armsterdam, Madrid, Seoul, Prague and Rome (actually wanna go Paris too but that spot is reserved for my honeymoon.hehehe..). And to go there i need money. So MARRIAGE can take a backseat for now. Heh. I wanna be ready for MARRIAGE. So i can be the best husband and dad in the world. But before that i wanna have fun first. Hah that's for sure man. I wanna explore the world. Meet different kind of people. Visit St James Park.

Oh well. Im only 23. Still got a long long way to go. But truth to be told, im kinda afraid on how my future will unfold. Will worry about that later. Sigh.

God Can Explain - Splender

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away It's alright,
I'm O.K. I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

The scent of vasoline in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry
It's alright

~Shopping List~

2006-03-27T00:35:00.000-08:00

I was thinking..since im only getting my supa-big 1000cc bike next year, i will have to do some serious saving. At least $4K. That's my aim. And i do have done my calculations. I'll have enuff for some shopping spree too. Yippy. So here it goes...

- a helmet. i so need one right now..
- a pair of jeans
- a pair of shoes preferably Lacoste. Been aiming that for some time now
- some tees would seem real nice
- a pair of specs. The one which the lenses changes color when under sunlight. Forget what's the brand called..
- an ol' skool Hugo Boss perfume. To relive the memories. Hah!
- a Fossil watch
- shades. Oakley perhaps?

Yah, i think that's about it. I know that's alot more i wanna get for myself but just cant remember them now. Arghh! Oh well. I need money!!

Interesting..

2006-03-21T21:52:00.000-08:00

I was browsing thru the net when i bump into this article. Or website if you wanna call it.

Check it out. I sure can relate to what the author was writing. Maybe you can find your call in there too? Good luck!

http://www.aboutmyjob.com/main.php3?action=displayarticle&artid=542

And for those smokers out there, maybe you guys can check this out. I don't know how true this is but it's kinda crap to me though. Hah.

http://www.medindia.net/patients/calculators/ciger_smoke.asp

And this, i was doing my research on diabetes and i find this website extremely useful to those who wanna know more about this disease.

http://www.diabetes.org/home.jsp
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/diabetes.html

~~enjoy~~

5th Dec 2005 - 17th Mar 2006

2006-03-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

It's has been a gruelling 15 weeks course. 15 weeks of heartache, stressful days, tears & laughters, bloody ones, irritating moments (lotsa it!) , sweating like nobody business. Hah. It's all over now. Am feeling kinda sad cause we bonded quite well, albeit in later part of the course and now everyone will go their own separate ways. We somehow grew to be proud of being medics. A total contrast from the first day where almost all the guys keep cursing why they were chosen to go to this course, me included.

And so my journey continue. But not far though. Im staying back at SMM to be an instructor under Training Development Wing (TDW). Basically i'm just in charge of the computer lab. Haha. Damn slack im telling you. 8-5 some more. Was kinda excited when i first gotten the post but somehow was feeling dejected cause after all the trainings i had from SISPEC & SMM, i just have to get a slack vocation. Oh well. Im not complaining though..

Ahem..

Bunk 2 comrades..

Instructors to be.. with my big bro..Staff Amin..

The so-called minority of the course..hah..

P-O-P-ohhhhhhh

Finally aft a long long time..

Yours truly with Paul a.k.a PTI

Don ask why but don even know why im in that position..

The classroom that has been cheerful has now been left empty..

Buddies..

Doing end-course survey..

"Yes sergeant what is your order now?"

Cheers with Indra..

I deserve that certs ok..

Hoo hoo!!

A start to an end.

2006-03-13T21:20:00.000-08:00

You move and i shoot..

Finally for some rest!

the "Cancer Squad"

Back after a victorious war against the devil within..

Wassup!

Spec 2 Alpha

Classroom environment in e Army?

Psssstt..so what's the answer fren?

Who's your daddy now huh?

F-U-N

.:crazy thing call love:.

2006-02-19T02:23:00.000-08:00

Was watching the ever romantic Kate & Leopold on 5 just now and everytime i watch that movie, it just give me a warm fresh hope for love. Not that i'm a real sucka for this kind of emotional movies (or maybe i am..hah) but it's kinda inspirational but yet can feel real sucky at times.

Kate was just like any workaholic career woman who doesn't actually believe in finding the right one after what happened between Stuart and herself. But she eventually fall for someone from the 1870s. And to think she was even willing to go back to the past just to be with someone she love.

It only shows that love makes you do crazy things. Ok maybe crazy sounds a bit harsh. It's more like unexplainable actions. Things that you do without thinking much but rather by just following your heart. It's sweet considering how you see it but a wrong decision and you might just shoot yourself in the head. And when you realise it albeit too late, things ain't just gonna be the same ever again. Never.

Though some may argue with that theory of yours truly, touch your heart and ask whether you've made the same mistakes before. On how you really regret what you did. And how you wish that you didn't act on impulse. How you could just turn back time and prevent from making the same mistake. Would you? Or is there really a reason for everything that happen? I used to believe in that but as time goes by, the belief kinda diminished. I mean, isn't that just a reason to cover up your mistakes? Damage control type? There can't be reasons for everything to happen. No way. But then again, i'm just someone confused and emotionally drained-out right about this time. So what i'm talking here may in fact just be complete nonsensical issues. Or at least that's how i see things now.

Anyone out there who care to give a penny or two?

Where's the sunshine when you need them the most..

Mr F?

2006-02-07T06:42:00.000-08:00

The experience from both the ambulance and hospital attachment had definately spur me on to work in the medical field 'cause there's where i truly believe i can unleash my fullest potential. Be it as a paramedic or nurse, i'm sure i can get full job satisfaction from it.

True enough the last few days have seen me learning tremendous amount of new skills. Skills that can make or break a sick person's life. On how a girl tried to commit suicide drinking detergent. Or how i managed to read a sad boy suicide letter. And to see the smiles on the old patients' face when they have someone to take care and interact with them. That brings me joy to my heart (Not the suicide cases that is, hah). Feeling terribly emotional just thinking about it. What have become of me. Haha.

I now know where my future lies. For the good of mankind, they all say. I've decided, this is for me. No more being fickle-minded about it. Now just have to wait for NS to finish. Long wait it might be but i be waiting patiently. Now back to SMM. 4 more weeks to go. Just 4 more. Hafta endureee. Arghh. And yeah heard that i'm one of the 10 to convert to MRF (Medical Response Force) once my course is over. You know the guys that wear mob suits 24/7. Yeah that's Mr F (as my staff sgt would cheekily call them) for you. Gosh i'm so not looking forward to that. Sigh sigh sigh.

More Than Meets The Eye

2006-02-03T04:34:00.000-08:00

Been on the net the whole day. Able to finally seach for the release date of the live action Transformer the movie. Releasing in 07/04/07. I'm so gonna be one of the first to catch the movie. It's like the ultimate favourite cartoon show that i've watch so far. Sorry to the Ultramen Family but Optimus Prime and Co holds a softer spot in me. Hee. But too bad they will only base the movie on the first generation of the Autobots. 'Cause in my opinion i would prefer those coming from the second or even third generations 'cause the robots are much more cooler. And 'cause of my favourite Headmaster Jr ain't in it. Sigh.

Speaking about Headmaster Jr, i've finally, after so many years, able to track down an episode from that series. And the first episode of it. How's that huh. I'm content knowing i could exactly recall how i've felt back then when i first set eye on them. I was 6 i think. I swear that i feel as if i've been transport back to the past.

And so lets recap some of my favourite autobots..and errmm..decepticons..

Optimus Prime - If he had been on Earth, he would be a doctor, a mechanic, a scientist and a warrior. But on Cybertron there is no difference between these professions. So Optimus uses his skills to heal and repair- which are the same things to Autobots- to improve the world around him and, if necessary, to fight. Both in power and intelligence, he has no equal. He has the personality of an Abraham Lincoln. He can be immensely kind and his compassion extends to all that lives, including the creatures of Earth. Yet he will battle unceasingly to protect the weak and defend what he believes in. To accomplish this, Optimus knows that the Decepticons must be defeated for all time.

Grimlock - The most fearsome and powerful of the Dinobots, Grimlock would gladly usurp Optimus Prime's role as Autobot Commander if he thought he could get away with it. For now, he's happy to tear into the enemy Decepticons whenever he can and wait for a more opportune moment to try for the leadership. He can be cold and merciless, and shows contempt for those he views as weak, such as humans and even some fellow Autobots. But he is a valiant warrior and his actions command respect from all who are witness to them, both friend and foe.

Remember? - "Me Grimlock me gonna eat your brain out!"

Starscream - Starscream makes no secret of his ambition to overthrow Megatron as Decepticon leader. He is ruthless, cold-blooded, and cruel. In that sense the two rivals are very much alike. But he has a vain side that clearly distinguishes him. He considers himself the most handsome of the Decepticons. He exudes a high-class, urbane air that provides a certain irony to his murderous tendencies.
He looks down at Megatron for being antiquated in his military strategy. Starscream believes the Decepticons should rely more on guile and speed rather than brute, destructive force to defeat the Autobots. Megatron overlooks the potential threat Starscream represents for one very good reason: Starscream is very good at his job.

Soundwave - It is said that Soundwave can hear a fly sneeze. It is also said that beneath his smooth-talking, affable surface beats the generator coil of a blackmailer. Those who know these two facts about him are very careful about what they say within earshot of him. Soundwave is the ultimate opportunist and will use anything he can to advance his status in the eyes of the Decepticon Leader Megatron. He doesn't worry about what others think of him because he knows he is nearly indispensable. Although they all despise him, the other Decepticons pretend to like him rather than get on his bad side. As Rumble explains, "Soundwave always has the last laugh."

Megatron - Love, compassion, mercy are words that have no meaning for Megatron. He has risen to the leadership of the Decepticons by a combination of brute strength, military cunning, ruthlessness, and terror. On Cybertron he was commanding general in charge of all military operations against the Autobots, who referred to him as "The Slag-Maker." It was a title of fear. A title of respect. A title Megatron relished. His banishment to Earth has only made him more bitter and more evil-minded, if that is possible. He aches to return to Cybertron and complete his mission of eradicating the Autobots. But while on Earth he is dedicated to eliminating those Autobots marooned here with him - and his plans go far beyond that. He realizes the Earth is one huge stockpile of metal and fuel resources and means to possess it all, with the aid of his fellow Decepticons. But his plans go even further, plans so grandiose even his fellow Decepticons are unaware: Megatron intends to enslave the entire human race. He allows no exceptions to his motto.

As Prime would famously say.. "Autobots..transform..roll-out.."

Down...but not out..yet..

2006-02-01T23:58:00.000-08:00

I'm down. Down with foodpoisoining. Can't exactly say that it's contagious since Zak just recently contacted the virus. I can't even remembered what food did i take yesterday during the ambulance attachement at Bishan Firestation. But i got 2 days MC for it and miss both my hospital attachment for today and tomorrow. What a time to get sick. I was looking forward for the attachment. Especially yesterday when i was greeted to a world of real-life drama.

How some anxious parents would call the ambulance when their son had mere gastric pains. How a lady dramatically faint due to the scorching afternoon heat. How an old man had difficulties in breathing. And the flavour of the day was when an uncouncious old diabetic lady after given 10% Dextrose solution (to that someone: yes it's dextrose not insulin as most people would call it. let's be more specific now shall we? ) immediately woke up as if nothing had happened. Amazing! That, you couldn't find anywhere and 'though we've learnt about that back in SMM, to see that event actually unfolding infront of me was satisfying. And how Gen the Paramedic Trainee calmly infuse the Dextrose solution by intravenous therapy. If it was me doing it i'm sure i be all nerves and sweat. But then again she's trained to handle all this. While we back in air-conditional rooms (where veins tend to play hide and seek to those wanting to poke them 'cause of the coldness) having the luxury to ask for help from Instructors as cries could be heard underneath the berets that covered the "victims" face. We were pampered literally but hey give me some time and i be sure that i can do the job as well as her. Hah.

'Nuff said, i was kinda disappointed that there wasn't any RTA cases. Not that i'm badmouthing one to happen but i wanna know exactly how to treat a RTA casualty and what's it feel like to be in one. Hell my friend got to do CPR on a dead person. I mean the experience that he got from that. Well cross-fingered i hope Saturday will be a better experience.

'Till then, i'm gonna back to where i need to be. Bed. Hopfully the agony of lazing around in bed, not doing anything and can't eat anything is spared upon me as a new day approached. Peace out.

Coyote Ugly

2006-01-31T04:04:00.000-08:00

I just couldn't miss watching the premiere of Coyote Ugly on TV on Monday. Not just 'cause i wanna watch the hot babes in it. Nor that i haven't seen the movie before. The show just brings back nice sweet memories of me and an ex. Someone whom i shared 3 years of highs and lows of my life. Remembered vividly the time spent almost every day with her. And so this entry is dedicated specially for her. For a special friend 'till now.

Still remembered how we would spent time together just by slacking at Mac and by the void deck. It does help that she stay just beside my block back then. Studied together for the 'O's. The way she taught me English Literature. The way she does her Maths calculations. When we would write in a diary in order to understand each other better (as it seemed hard to express our thoughts at times.) When i would diligently fetch her at TTS's starbuck and get to enjoy a cup of ice mocha. When we would quarrel over the slightest thing (that too 'cause of my immaturity). When we were separated for a few months. You with your new guy and me with a new gal. How i just wanna be with you when that happened. The moment you pull my arm when i walked away knowing you no longer wanna be with me. The time when you cried when i said i was here to stay. The time when we were worried about the future. Remember the D&D night and the events prior to that? When we went shopping to get those retro outfits. Those identical pink shades of ours. And your cute 'lil sandals which you wore only once for the prom. The Hyundai and Alcatel handphones? (Hah) And the 3310s that we both had? The selfishness that i showed when you needed me most. The anguish feeling when i saw you with someone else while still together.When i tried to do the same thing to make you mad? When we laughed off at all the dumb things we had done. When you were my confidant and vice-versa. I miss those time.

I still remember all that. And whatever happen in the future, i know i can still depend on you just like you can depend on me. I guess how things have worked out is a true blessing in disguise. Thanks for everything.

And yesh i can still hear you singing Leanne Rimes's Can't fight the moonlight. How you always wanna be part of the Coyotes'. Sweet you. *smiles*

Pure madness.

2006-01-30T00:46:00.000-08:00

First of all, thank goodness for the supa-long weekend. I'm burnt out from all the studies in camp. And yet was feeling disappointed that after all the hard work putting in studying i couldn't accomplish clearing all the test. I failed my medical theory test. Sigh. I swear i studied real hard for that paper but was rathered confused while doing it. It wasn't a straight forward paper and 35% of the course actually failed the paper. Oh well, i've been through this before. I will pick myself up that's for sure but only after a good night sleep. Been missing that alot.

Anyway, finally managed to go to MOS on Saturday. Went with the SISPEC guys and find the place quite pure madness. It's like Zouk combining with Double O. The crowds there were like so huge and happening . Thank goodness the queue wasn't that long when we arrived.

And yeah, not to forget how troublesome it is for me now that my bike is currently down. Gear lever broke. Suspect some guilty people out there as the main mastermind to it. And the problem just have to clash with CNY. All shops are close and now have to wait 'till Tuesday just to get a new one.

Though all the events that had happened the past one week, i'm pretty much looking forward to this week. 'Cause it's my attachment week! I'll be attached to Bishan Firestation (paramedic side) and Tan Tock Seng Hospital (A&E) for around 8 days or so. Having mixed feeling right now. And i'm so sure that come Wednesday it will be much more worse. I'm glad that i'm having this chance to extend my experience beyond the classroom but i'm just scared that i will do mistakes during the phase of work. I mean, real people are out there on the street. It's no more dummy casualties or doing some practical protocols simulation. This is the real thing. Wish me luck.

BORED!

2006-01-21T22:26:00.000-08:00

That's nothing for me to do now. Im so bored. Don't really feel like going out. I think i will go back to slumberland. Good night.

Gays..i mean guys night out at Changi Aloha Chalet..

The night i was put into a state of shock and suffered multiple concussions...well..literally..haha..

PAM...PAM...PAM....!!!

2006-01-15T19:04:00.000-08:00

What a week it has been. Pretty damn hectic. Mentally drained out. Had 2 major tests ~ PAM Trauma theory and practical. People have been burning the midnight oil just to pass these both tests. In the end, only 1 failed for the theory test and 5 for the practical.

Me?

I was quite surprised at my results. And i think everyone echoed the same sentiments. I mean i didn't even studied as hard as them, slept early every night, reading my Angels & Demons book while they're studying. And being labelled as a slacker and "someone who always sleep in class" (i swear it doesn't happen that often!) obviously doesn't help, even my CSI (Course Senior Instructor) was amazed at my achievement. For that, i got a 73 for my theory and 81 for the practical. For the record, the highest mark for the theory test was 86 and 96 for the practical. Not bad huh for someone who is a diploma holder but have absolutely no idea about what he studied. Hah.

So it's back to study again for the coming week and so. Major test coming up again ~ Medical Emergencies. Argh. 8 more weeks to gooooooooooooooooo...

What a night at The One..with wan here..

My precioussssssssssssssss...

mmbek...mmbek..

2006-01-10T11:09:00.000-08:00

i miss madinah...i miss mecca..

i miss the enviroment over there. so peace and the air so refreshing.

i miss the heavenly ice-cream.

i miss seeing the pigeons gathering together when call for prayer comes.

i miss eating the kebab and nan.

i miss interacting with the friendly people over there.

i miss seeing all the historic place.

i miss praying infront of the Ka'baah.

i just miss being the real me. Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha.

Down memory lane..

2006-01-10T03:43:00.000-08:00

Can't believe it. i'm actually..23! I feel real old right now. Hah.

i still remember..

- when i used to skip lessons back in those old days just to steal a puff or two (quite dumb huh?)

- when i dyed my whole hair blond and was nicked by my friends as the "Golden Monkey" (yes yes i supa look like a chinese back then!)

- when 3 different girls actually confessed that they like me in front of the whole school by dedicating a song to me in the talentime singing competition at various point of time in school which i soooo didn't saw it coming. felt so embarrassed.. yet honoured. hee.

- when i used to cry like a baby when my first love left me for someone else. i didn't know the meaning of love back then. sigh.

- when we had lotsa lotsa fun though shortage of money was never deemed as a problem.

- when i couldn't be bothered about what people actually think about me. just going with the flow. rebellious if i may say.

- when wearing baggy jeans and extra-large t-shirt with a jockey cap on and a skateboard in hand would seem real cool. damn i miss those time.

- vandalising public properties with those 4-wheels decks. being chased by cops and park rangers.

- when studying just sux big time and making fool of teachers was a competition among peers.

- when a plate of nasi lemak just cost $0.30 back in primary school.

- and a cup of coke at only $0.10

- when we used to travel to various stadiums to play our soccer matches every weekened pitting against other youths clubs.

- when someone got so mad at me for not attending the school soccer trial-out yet was selected as one. being a first team player at that.

- when the coach of the soccer team had to ask my better half (back then) to pursuade me to carry on playing for the school team. damn attitude player i am. hehe.

- when getting $5 per game as a ball-boy was the closest we would get for our weekely allowance.

- when it seemed i was dumped by almost every girl that i went out with. oh hell did i learn from that lesson! ;p

- when making girls cry seemed to be my forte from that moment onwards. geez.

- oh yeah and how i grew up learning from all that experience to be a better person.

- when hanging with the naughty guys would seem real cool back then.

- on how i quietly studied for my coming tests once i reached home and away from those guys. Hah!

- when i reminiscent what had happened the last 23 years and while im smiling to myself......telling that i would never wanna miss going through all that..never..

..for those memories make me what i am today...

.............................happy birthday amin.................................

reminiscence through the good and bad times....

Closer

2006-01-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

Just finish watching Closer. Damn it's a bloody good movie. Somehow it controvert my "supposedly great understanding" of love. Bleughhh. It also question the nature of relationship and fidelity as it follows the tangled web created by Dan (Jude Law), Alice (Natalie Portman), Anna (Julia Roberts) and Larry (Clive Owen). Though frankly, after what happened to Dan, i'm really not that enthuasistic about falling in love and being in a relationship, right now that is. Well, not that i have anyone in mind. Hah.

Are humans meant to mate? What drives someone in a perfectly good relationship to cheat and risk losing the one they love and that loves them? Is it really possible to love more than one person at the same time? How well does anyone really know the one thay love?

Peace out!

Having the blues..

2006-01-06T04:22:00.000-08:00

How apt, but i prefer green please.

"Amin, your true color is Blue!

You're blue - the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you - they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue - and patently you!"

PS. It really sux having to do guard duty on a sat. Sigh. There goes my weekend.

mister blue me..
*Disclaimer: No editing is done on this picture.

Phew!

2006-01-04T04:54:00.000-08:00

Was on the way back from camp and nearly had a fatal accident.

The rain had just stopped and being the safe rider that i am, i was riding real slow toward the entrance to SLE(BKE). 60 km/hr if i could recalled. I guess i was dreaming during the journey when i suddenly realised the traffic light turned to amber. Couldn't dash through so instinctly i slowed down and was preparing to stop. But out of no reason, i used only my front brake to do so. My rear tyre started to "dance" left and right. Not once but twice! I swear my heart skipped for a second. Luckily i managed to resume control of my bike in time. All the while i was thinking not to fall 'cause i dont wanna spoil my new jacket. Hee. And i soon realised that there was a van right behind me. Phew. Scary i tell you. That was way too close.

Well, i'm gonna take my own sweet time going back to camp later on. No more speeding. For now.

The one that got away

XXL

2006-01-02T01:09:00.000-08:00

I feel kinda satisfied the way my blog turns out. Haha.

Anyway, i dreamt of someone, a friend 2 days ago. No no..not "her". It was so vivid that i couldn't believe that i actually dreamt of it and of course her! Bleurgh. It was kinda sweet and let's just say i woke up feeling much more better than any other days. Can't tell though what it was exactly about 'cause you know what the old people says about this kind of pantang (taboo) . It was told that if you dream of something nice and you want it to come true, it's wise for you not to tell it around. Otherwise it won't materialise. Superstitious i am not but it won't hurt right just keeping mum about it? ;)

Finally able to finish Taibah's XXL Chupachups from Latvia. Nearly choke myself trying to finish the lollipop. I just wanna get to the bubblegum part but being the XXL lollipop that it is, i sat down at East Coast all alone (my friends were talkin to themselves la) enjoy the chill sea breeze and had a FABULOUS countdown licking lollipop. Though the size helps alot in keeping me awake during the drive back home, i only get to chew on the bubble gum 5 mins away from reaching homebase. And boy does it sux big time. It's like chewing a big rubber that i had no choice but to spit it away immediately. What anti-climax. Hah. So now i know how a lollipop from Latvia works. ;p

Just came back playing futsal at NUS just now. Fitness picking up just all right. Felt can run more but for a slight injury to the joints between the tarsal and the 3rd and 4th metatarsal. Hah enuf of the medical jargon. I think i'm getting good at this. *applause*

Ok then, enough of the supa-long weekend. Back to cracking my brain for the up and coming test - Patient Accessment Module Sigh.

A group picture of the guys from SISPEC taken at Sentosa last week. Damn i should be at PLC joining them instead of being at SMM. Sigh.

New Year New Skin

2006-01-01T09:06:00.000-08:00

Just testing my new blog layout and my new photo uploading website..

A big holla to the SMM guys!

End of 2005

2005-12-30T23:56:00.000-08:00

Food for thought anyone?

A very interesting article dated Dec 18th 2005 on New Sunday Times.

TSUNAMI - THE NEXT BIG ONE
'We are scheduled for another big earthquake in roughly the same area and it could send waves surging through the Straits of Malacca and smash into Malaysia and Singapore.' - Dr Smith Dharmasaroja

In this article, Dr Smith predicted that another tsunami could hit Malaysia and Singapore. After studying the 200-year old record, he found out that there have been 12 tsunamis. The last big one before Dec 26 occurred in the Indian Ocean and it was a tsunami created by the explosion of the Krakatoa volcano 122 years ago. Sometimes the really big ones occur in 80 to 100 year cycles. Near the Nicobar islands there was an earthquake in 1941 that measured 8.7 on the Richter scale and in 1914 there was one that was 7.2.

Both of these had their epicenters north of the Dec 26 earthquake (east of Sumatra). So according to these records, we are scheduled for another big earthquake in roughly the same area and it could send waves surging through the Straits of Malacca and smash into Malaysia and Singapore

As stated, the epicenter need not be in the straits. It could be north of it and this is enough to send killer waves to both countries.

A big chilling question was asked to Dr Smith - 'So are we due for another big one?'

We are DEFINATELY overdue based on the 100-year cycle and because this one is also close to shore, it will cause a lot of damage. However how close the prediction is correlates to the cycle.

There is no technology to predict earthquakes but you can forecast large earthquakes by looking at historical records.

* Thai meteorologist Dr Smith Dharmasaroja, in 1998 predicted a tsunami would hit Thailand in 2004. But his warning was ignored. He's now a Vice-Minister in the Office of the Thai Prime Minister.

PS. Time really flies. It feels like only yesterday that we're ushering 2005. Nothing to brag about. Just another plain ol' year. Ok then, hoping for 2006 to be something much more interesting. Shall wait for the World Cup patiently. And for 'her'. Whoever and wherever she shall be. Hah.

Tick tock tick tock.
- 10 days to being 23.
- 10 weeks to pass out.
- 5 months to get my Super 4 (estimated)
- 12 months to open my braces and have a nice set of teeth. (hopefully)
- 17 months to ORD.
- 30 months of singlehood (Gosh I couldn't believe the numbers myself! Had to double check lotsa time. Haha. ).
- 35 months to prove 'her' wrong.

Enjoy the new year!!

All that glitter is gold..

2005-12-10T23:35:00.000-08:00

This week signifies a new chapter for me. The start to life in SMM. Well, so far, there's been a lot of studying to do. Not that I'm complaining though. I've always been fascinated for life-saving techniques, anatomies and physiology. It's a never-ending learning process and it's amazingly useful to be applied in daily day basis. The only reason I flopped in biology way back in secondary school was because of the scientific terms that was required to memorize. And of course there's a lot of "distractions" back then. Hah! I hope I can go into this medical line as a career. Everyone has been spurring me on to do well in this course. Well, if I can conquer the ability to remember all those big words, then maybe I can be the best trainee. Hah like real. But for now, it's back to study. Having a test tomorrow. Wish me luck!

PS. Finally able to pass the "gifts" to Taibah yesterday. Was a bit nervous that she would think it's abit crap and lame but she kinda don't mind it after all. That I hope so. Heh. She is after all my guinea pig. The trial and error product. Haha. Success! Success!! :)

Twist of Fate

2005-11-30T23:16:00.000-08:00

Finally, I'm out of Tekong. Here I am, sitting in front of the pc at this time of the week and yes it does feel strange to do so. Am clearing leave for the year. Just graduated from SISPEC last Saturday and now waiting for my new course to start. And guess what? I'm posted to the School of Military Medicine (SMM). Hah. I can't believe it too. I'm training to be a medic! The news suck initially but looking back at how I really wanna to be a paramedic, I guess this just open up the pathway to sign on as one once NS is completed. It's kinda funny looking back at the situation. I couldn't managed to sign on with the SCDF earlier this year, was enlisted into the Army soon after. Managed to sign a pre-contract as a Military Policemen, was somehow rejected (and I'm still curious to why 'till now) and now I'm posted to SMM. I guess my prayers were finally answered by God. I did pray not to long ago (ok that was like in July '04 while in the Holy Land) that I really wanna work as a paramedic and it doesn't really matter if I were to be one sooner or later, I just wanna be one. I thought all hope was lost when I keep on being rejected by numerous organizations. Now I realized that you just have to be extremely patient in order to get what you want. And fate does play a big part in it. Thank you God for still loving me. :)

PS. Im so missing Hana alot. Don't be disappointed Taibah. I can't help but feel that way. It been 8 long months since. Sigh. But i'm ok though. Just miss her alot that's all. Hee.

What a week!

2005-11-13T17:28:00.000-08:00

It's been a real long and tiring week :-

Monday, 7th Nov
The week started off with the normally typical 'cheong sua' in the jungle. - Platoon Battle Attack

Tuesday, 8th Nov
Things began to heat up with 'cheong sua'ing in the jungle in the morning followed by the 1st route march in SISPEC, the 16km Route March. After doing the 24km route march in BMT, this is deemed as peanuts. Surprise surprise i was the song I/C for the day. Hah. Cant wait for the 28th km Graduation Route March on the 25th though. ;)
Hours Sleept : 5 hrs

Wednesday, 9th Nov
The week started on this day. Had Section Marksmanship Training (SMT) at BMTC in the morning. Had fun there as it was a 7-man arcade like shooting session. Simulation though. After lunch, we were getting prepared for our 3 day 2 night Exercise Nutcracker. The title says it all. It will make us go all mad. Nutcraker a.k.a dig your own graveyard. We are required to dig a shellsrcape of our own for us to sleep in and a fire-trench. The difference between the fire trence here in SISPEC and the one we did in BMT is that while it took us 12 men and the whole day to dig the trench, SISPEC wise, it's only 2 men within 6 hours. Add that to the heavy downpours throughout the night and i've just experience the worse feeling i ever had. No shelter. Was too tired to even open out my gotex. In the end i just lay a small groundsheet on the ground and covered half of it over my face. The moment to remember was when me and my partner woke up 1 1/2 hrs later. We were scavenging for candles 'bocs we were so cold that i was shivering from head to toe. I swear i've never felt that way before! It was damn pathetic i tell you. Never ever wanna go through that again.
Hours Sleept : 2 hrs

Thusday, 10th Nov
Hey hey. It's Taibah's 25th birthday today! Haha. I'm still stuck here in the jungle and it just keep on continuing raining. I swore for once that i though the Singapore's army uniform has change from green camouflage to dirty brown. Haha. The sight was delirious. We had a mini mission where i get to become enermy while the rest learn to counter surprise attacks in their respective shellscrapes. While doing me the rest of the guys saw this really awesome big big BIG wildboar. It was the same size as the average hippo but luckily for us it didn't attack us. I guess it was just hungry and was trying to look around for food. I remember while doing Exercise Wanderer, a small hairy wildboar just dash through the track that we were walking on. It was barely 5 meters from us. That, i tell you could have hurt us 'bcos it had horns. By night time we were told to cover back the trences.
Hours Slept : 4hrs

Friday, 11th Nov
Finally reach company's line around 11 in the morning. The whole day was just about cleaning up the equipment. My back was halfway 'breaking apart'. Too much carrying of heavyload and bending to wash the stuffs.
Hours Slept : 4 1/2 hrs

Saturday, 12th Nov
Set out to Pasir Laba Campsite for Section Live Firing @ 0545. By the time we arrive at SISPEC was around 3 in the morning. By this time most people were either shouting at each other for the slightest reasons or dozing off while cleaning weapons. Was finally able to pack our stuffs at 0445. Bookout time.
Hours Slept : 0 Hrs

Sunday, 13th
Reach home at 1000 and immediately went to hit the bed. Damn shag man.What a week! Bookin @ 2145. Sigh. Next week - Exercise Grandslam. The father of it all. Another 3 day 2 night in the jungle. Last ever exercise before POP! Yay!! :)

PS. Fall in Lurveeee with My Chemical Romance's Helena, The Ghost of You and I'm Not Ok (I Promise). Happy Birthday Taibah! Too bad you can't make it for the zoo thingy. Would be a blast. Hah. So when's the next party with the animal? ;p TWENTY-FIVE. A quarter of a century. That's old. Somehow can't wait for my turn. 23. Lurve the number. Hee. 2 more months exactly to go. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

It's been tough..

2005-10-02T12:36:00.000-07:00

Sigh. Life a killa now. SISPEC has made me go crazy. Well, literally that is. Hah. Now is the 2nd of October. Time flies by real fast. 8 more weeks and all this shit is gonna end. Well at least bye bye to Pulau Tekong for good that is. Nothing much happened since the last entry. Training goes on as per usual. This time at the School of Infantry Specialist (SISPEC). Where you go through tough physical trainings and pure mental torture. And who's says doing your National Service you won't have to read up again. You should take a look at all my notes! Haha. Oh well, it's kinda mundane now for me. But i think i'm coping, not that well, but just coping. It would have been damn boring at night but thank goodness for a new friend. ;) She's been helpful so far. Entertaining me with all her "kentalness" and weird behaviours. Haha. Hey, look i'm smilling again. Thanks k weird friend. And it was nice going out with you. I tell you, this gal here is like so kental. I can't stop laughing even for a minute going out with her. She's like this innocent adorable 'lil gal who's always seeking attention. But i like! HAHAHAHA!! Ok 'nuff said, i 'm gonna take a short nap. Booking in later at 2130. Sigh. Till then.

Wake me up when september ends..

2005-09-13T02:35:00.000-07:00

It's e month..e month which we get closed together. The epitome of greatness in my life. This is the time last year when i had the wildest and emotional time with her. A journey i thought was a dream and one which i never wanna wake up from. Alas, all good things have to end. And somehow or rather, a year later, i feel a tinge of emptiness inside of me. Maybe i feel lonely. Or maybe im surrounded with people who's in love. I wanna have that feeling again but somehow everytime im abt to fall, i tell myself not to, just in case she wanna start the journey together again. A fool i might be but i just can't see myself loving someone as much as ive loved her.

5 months have passed us by. I still have no idea what you've been up to. I just have this feeling that you're overseas right now, taking the path you have always wanted - studying. I wish i have any news about you. 5 freaking long months. Not a single day pass me by when i've stop thinking abt you.I thought going in camp for National Service would make me a tougher guy. But instead i keep thinking about you, through good and hard time. Everytime i'm being challenged mentally and physically for robust trainings, i'll have you in my mind. I keep reminding myself i can't fail. I got lotsa points to prove you wrong. I wanna show you i can live without you. That I can change myself for the good. Though you're not by my side now, i believe that i've accomplised something in my life. I know i can pull it through. But the ultimatum shall be 3 years from now. 23/11/2008. I shall wait for that day patiently. Just wait for me. I'm coming back home.

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

PS. POP-ooooohhh. 3 months passed us by so fast. I shall never forget the time when we all go through thick and thin together. Men from Jaguar Coy, i salute you all.

Golden Words

2005-08-08T02:13:00.000-07:00

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get beckon the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choos e to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow. Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make y ou cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love 'coz every time we do, we get hurt, then i figured that's why it's called falling in love.

Fuuyoooohhh!!

2005-08-08T02:03:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh..its been a damn long long time since i last update my blog.Time flies and now im serving the nation @ tekong. 3 more weeks to POP and i cant wait fot that moment to come. Cant wait for 19th aug when my fate will be told. Thats when i will find out wther my application as a MP (read Military Police) will be successful. Yup you guess it alright..i be signing on as an army personnel. I must be crazy. Haha. Kinda chilling right now. Be booking in on tue @ 1750. Having my SIT test on wed. Another 3 more days spent in the jungle. Sigh. Oh well, part and parcel of NS. Damn im tired. Be right back real soon. Ciao.

Classic!

2005-03-02T02:46:00.000-08:00

Michael Buble - Kissing a Fool

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye
But please don't take my heart

You are far
When I could never be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you
People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

But remember this
Every other kiss
That you'll ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you
Like I always do
There's something there
That can't compare with any other

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death
And from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

Laughter is the best medicine!

2005-02-15T04:08:00.000-08:00

I've finally come to sense with what life has in stored in me. I've learnt that you must have positive vibes in you so that you can live by every day without having those insecurities that come face to face with you, which in my case comes abit too often nowaday. Meaning if you have any problems that doesn't seemed important but still affect you in a way or another, just laugh it off. It will surely work, trust me!

I had nice laughing sessions just now with her and my cuz. I was literary so taken in by the jokes that my body parts just started shaking for no reason. Even my jaws are still feeling numb from all the excessive laughings. And i swear i am feeling so light-hearted right now that i feel soooo content in life. And not to mention i only need to remember about my very dear friend, Taibah's "kentalness" and i will be all smiles. That surely set the mood for me and i only rue that i didn't realise this sooner. But hey it's better to be late then never right?

To Where You Are..

2005-02-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

Josh Groban - To Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be (?)
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

I know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are

PS. I am feeling at my all-time low right now. No advice nor help can pull me away from the things that i am facing right now. I can't sleep and i'm lost at this point of time. Don't bother asking what's wrong 'bcos i will never tell anyone. I will face this alone. Period.

The end

2005-01-20T16:08:00.000-08:00

Once and for all, i shall stop talking about her and "us" here. My blog has been getting pretty emo lately. Time to change all that. Whatever gonna happen between me and her, only me shall know and no one else. Let this be a lesson learnt to all the people who is planning or wanna fall in love. Be patient, sincere and determine if you wanna be with that someone special. Don't ever give up 'bcos what you reaped is what you sow. Adios!

Time of your life..

2005-01-19T01:14:00.000-08:00

I am extremely confused right now.

She's starting to give me the cold shoulder again. I somehow feel that i'm being made a mockery of. Whenever she needs someone to be there for her, she would be nice to me, whenever she don't, she would just shove me aside. I feel, correction, i know that she likes him alot. That she really misses him, that she really wanna be with him. But 'bcos he didn't show that he do wanna be with her (eventhough he loves to), i guess she have no choice but to turn to me. I hate it. I mean, if you really wanna be with him, then go ahead. Make the first move, it doesn't really matter right? I'm not gonna cry my heart out that you gonna leave me. Though i will be sad, but i'm gonna wish you all the best. It's only my wish to see you happy. What's the use of you hanging on to me when you know that every effort i've made all this while doesn't mean a thing to you. Go on, i can still be your friend. It's not that i'm gonna leave the country or go somewhere real far. Just don't give me hope when you don't mean it. It really hurt alot. I don't wanna whine alot. I'm 22. I'm not supposed to mourn over something like this. This happen only during the teenage years. But somehow, i feel like i'm being suck into a blackhole. It's just impossible to get out of it.

You would always scold me whenever i lie. Even if it's a white lie. But now, it's clear that you are lying to me. "I just wanted you to tell me the truth, You know I'd do that for you". Hana, if only you would know how agonizing it is to not think about this even for a day, maybe you would understand the pain i'm going through. I pity my cousin. He's always there for me when i feel shit. I know it's not nice to burden other people with your problems but somehow i just feel i need to let go of things. To have a listening ear. Alot of people have told me to forget about her. She just ain't worth all the worries and troubles. But i love her too much. They just don't understand or maybe they just wanna convinced me of the harsh truth. I wanna fight till the end. But i just feel that i'm fighting a losing battle. She just won't open up her feelings to me. What she thinks of me and "us". And now i seriously don't know what to do. But one thing i've decided is to lay down low for the time being. Not gonna call or meet her. I just hope that she won't get the idea that i'm giving up or whatsoever. I really wanna be with her but i guess i just need the time to compose myself. To put sense into myself. To do some soul-searching. I hope i would be fine. But somehow i know i won't. Damn.

Greenday - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I really love this song. The lyrics are so meaningful to me. It does mean something in my life right now.

PS. "Pulling myself back with every words that you said. Could it be all lies?"

Bring it ON!!

2005-01-15T01:22:00.000-08:00

I ain't gonna give up just as yet. It ain't over till the fat lady is singing. It ain't over till she says it's over. I'm gonna endure and will show her my resistance that i'm here to stay. To convinced her that i am serious about her eventhough i don't know what the final outcome will be. I'm gonna talk less and act more. I'm much more determined to win over her heart then ever. Wish me luck!!

PS. Was fined by TP again. Damn possible fine of $270 and 12 demerit points. Simply hate those guys in white.

Damn..

2005-01-13T23:43:00.000-08:00

"I won't wanna be with someone who won't go after me."

Damn, how could i ever overlook that vital clue. That final piece to the jigsaw puzzle. So now i know. My existance here is merely to provide her with warmth, comfort and company whenever she needs me. She's in love with somebody else. I'm so dumb. Now why didn't i see that coming. How could i be manipulated by her. Why oh why. Now i get it. Been weeks since i gather the pieces in order to know just what she thinks of me. Now i know the truth. I am hurt. And disappointed. Not to forget, astonished at the truth. I am so dumb. What am i supposed to do now?

Tired..

2005-01-13T01:25:00.000-08:00

I am so tired. And so confused right now. Nothing i do now can ever seemed right. Is she meant to be mine? Or someone else? Does she wanna be with me? Or isit she just can't choose between the two? I don't know what i've done to deserve all this. It's like i'm stuck in this predicament forever. I just can't seemed to set my mind free. It's always about this or about that. Sometime i just wanna let things go and fall into a long long sleep. To go somewhere where i won't have to think about certain things. Where my mind would be at ease for as long as i want things to be. Can i have that chance?

I need enlightenment. God, forgive me for all the sins i've made this 22 years. Especially the ones for the last couple of months. I wanna repent. Wanna be on the straight path again. Please guide me through as i am still and will forever be Your weak being. I wanna do good once again. Forgive me. Amin.

Hoobastank - Disappear

There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Though I try to look away
The pain it still remains
Only leaving when you're next to me

Do you know that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away?
So can you come and make them disappear?
Make them disappear and we can stay

So I stand and look around
Distracted by the sounds
Of everyone and everything I see
And I search through every face
Without a single trace
Of the person
The person that I need

Do you know that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away?
So can you come and make them disappear?
Make them disappear and we can stay

Can you make them disappear?
Make them disappear

There's a pain that sleeps inside
It sleeps with just one eye
And awakens the moment that you leave
Gonna search through every face
Without a single trace
Of the person
The person that I need

Do you know that everytime you're near
Everybody else seems far away?
So can you come and make them disappear?
Make them disappear and we can stay

Sick

2005-01-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

I feel sick. Not in the way i'm down with a disease but just hate the feeling in me now. Was woken up by Faisal just now. Had a long talk about the D&D yesterday night. Found out that she actually deleted some of her contacts in her hp in order to store his number. OMG. I don't quite know what to say. Frankly speaking, i'm really confused about our status now. Isit just normal friendship? Dating? A "couple but not a couple"? I think even Faisal sound confused.

Just talked to her on the phone. She denied giving her number to him. Now i am the one who's confused. Which one of the two is saying the truth? Well, you know what? I don't care no more. All this D&D do is just to give me headaches. Shall stop talking about it.

The more i'm falling for her, the more i see that my feelings will not be reciprocated. Sometimes you might not know something is going to happen but you just have a feeling it will happen? Something like that. I forgot what it's call. Premonition? I think that's what it's called. I mean, just take a look at me now. There's so many things that i lack from her other suitors. I always have this thinking that i'm in this (to actually know her) dream. I'm don't know when the bubble gonna burst but if indeed one day i were to wake up from it, i hope by that time it won't turn into a nightmare. This can't be real. She won't actually wanna be with someone like me. It's impossible. I must be living in dream land. Somebody wake me up before i get hurt. Please.

Had a chat with T -

alternate pink nails says:
eh but serious eh.. fr my point of view.. she is juz stringin u along 4 the sake of ahving someone who is willing to do stuff for her.. while she seeks her own excitement and desires in those guys or guy dat ure tokin abt

Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
wat do u think i shld do?
Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
ive gone wy too deep for her
Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
its hard to make a u-turn

alternate pink nails says:
i undstd

Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
wat shld i do ah?
Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
help me laaaaaaaaa

alternate pink nails says:
but as hard as dat sounds.. uve got to go it.. ders no other way

Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
but do wat?

alternate pink nails says:
i duno much lah.. but i wld love to hear more fr u ah.. but fr wat i noe now it seems like she is juz not in love wif u cos dats not how love is.. and the more u do 4 her, the more she takes u 4 granted and dats why she feels dat its ok for her to go for other guys

alternate pink nails says:
the harsh truth is dat she doenst deserve u lah

Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
u noe wat
Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
ur e 2nd person to say dat

alternate pink nails says:
pls juz leave b4 u go in too much and all... its even harder den
alternate pink nails says:
well.. its the truth...
alternate pink nails says:
fr wat i read.. im sory but ive got to label her a bitch

Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
dats so hard to do
Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
leave

alternate pink nails says:
so insensitive
alternate pink nails says:
i noe i noe
alternate pink nails says:
but uve got to do it
alternate pink nails says:
serious
alternate pink nails says:
it sounds pretty bad at this moment oredi

Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. says:
i really don noe.im so confused rite now

alternate pink nails says:
and wen i read ur willingness to do so many things for her all it breaks my heart seh.. she so doenst deserve it all
alternate pink nails says:
cant u see dat its like rain falling on sand? u keep on giving but u wont get anytin back in return.. u wont even see it
alternate pink nails says:
to u.. ure giving it ur all.. but to her she is juz taking it in and keeping it all inside.. while she enjoys herself in other means
alternate pink nails says:
u juz met the wrong girl dats all
alternate pink nails says:
remember the saying dat u wont noe who is right for u until u meet a lot of wrong ones before that... even tho the wrong ones may seem like the right one... but wen u meet the right one.. ull noe.. ur frens will noe.. ur family will noe...

This must be the most difficult period in my life. I can't seem to know what to do now. I'm brain-dead (i wish!). "Somebody saveeeee me, i don't care how you do it, but saveeee meeeeeeeeeee..(To the tunes of Smallville theme)

PS. "Pretence will only sink you deeper, sometimes so deep that you can't even see the light anymore. That is when you know you have lost what you had before. "

ATTENTION!!

2005-01-06T02:24:00.000-08:00

I've caught someone reading my blog. To this someone who i see has totally no need to know my personal life, f*ck off. You know who you are. Doesn't matter if i know you or whether we have family blood (Get the hint!), don't intrude in my life. Don't you know a thing called confidentiality? So go on, don't make me piss, scram. You won't like me when i'm enraged. Mind your own business just like i've mind your's.

Cats? Dogs?

2005-01-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

I couldn't get to sleep yesterday night. I kept pondering why do we have feelings? Rhetorical it might sound but did curiosity actually killed the cat? But then again, why is the poor little cat have to be sacrifice? Why didn't they just kill the dogs? Or the birds? Ohh sheeeesh. This is getting no where.

But seriously, why do we fall in love? Isit 'bcos we feel secured being with someone? Or isit 'bcos that would make it seemed easier to reproduce human kind with a partner? Or isit just unexplainable? Some sort so mystified? Or perhaps i'm just too sleepy and am talking crap. Gee, i think i am. Damn.

PS. Am listening to Josh Groban's To Where You Are right now. Nice and smoothing to the ears but also an alternative to make me fall asleep. Hey no offence Josh. Khehehe..Enjoy.